Saturday, April 14, 2007

My veils of ignorance

I discovered that everytime I entered clarity, I would become aware of it, uninnocent, that my ego came into play, and I entered ignorance again.
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I am playful, innocent, then aware of this innocence, and thus I became serious again.
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Laughter begins, awareness of laughter happens, and sadness sets in.
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The secret is to laugh without ego, live without seriousness, and be without being.
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The Upanisads contain the secrets of the eternity, the infinite. You can never be only spiritualist and be whole, never be materialist and be whole. One has to be all, all-encompassing. Everytime you begin to isolate parts of yourself, you break yourself into pieces, thus leaving no room for wholeness to take place. Embrace all the nonsense - be aware of it, and it dissapears into the whole. It becomes engulfed by the vast infinite, there is no room for only it to exist.
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I recently understood just how serious I had become, after I met someone. It was a stark contrast - dark appeared darker against the light. I became envious of the laughter, the joy, the simplicity of just being completely in the moment and not dwelling in the past or concerning oneself too much with the future. I realised how possessive I had become, how much I wanted to hold onto a person. And all this while, I had imagined that I was on my way to spiritual A+!! True love happens when there is complete freedom; where there is fear and jealousy, there is no love.
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Now I have to begin again...back to square one. I have to `neti, neti' - negate, negate - negate all that is not necessary, and dissolve into The Infinite.