Friday, June 11, 2010
Some wisdom, even if you don't like it
Monday, May 24, 2010
Cabbage soup
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Life is for the living / Self absorbed crappiness
Friday, April 09, 2010
Music and Dance
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Stuff I like
http://www.suck.uk.com/ (some funky designer stuff)
http://www.colourlovers.com/blog/2007/08/24/color-inspiraton-from-coffee-and-tea
Friday, April 02, 2010
Everything
Friday, March 26, 2010
random bubblings
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
This little itsy bitsy thing called life that is so small in comparison to the rest of this big damned universe
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here
(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Some things
I must, I must, I must...
Yet, none of them feel right
None of them say to me:
I want, I want, I want!!
I know what I am wanting,
but looking at the wrong picture and sighing
Let me be with my dreams
Let me sleep here tonight,
And we will see what shall be in the morning
Perhaps I will not change
Perhaps I shall be swept away to some distant unknown land
Perhaps I shall be the same
Or perhaps, I will have a grin on my face
as I reach for the warm cookie in your hand :)
---
On dedication...
There is a difference between
creating for Source, and
creating for people.
One is like building a temple,
where you want to put in only the
most beautiful things for the
enjoyment of the Divine.
The other is where you do it
to meet the expectations of others,
and it never matches up.
Hence, dedicate this day,
your life, to the Divine, and
all will be well. All will be
magnificent. All will be
beautiful!
God Bless.
p.s. when I say "Divine" I mean...
That beautiful creative force that flows through you, when you feel "in the zone", when you feel happy doing what you are doing, Nature, God, Insane Orgasmic Bliss, Grace, Glory, Allah, whatever moves you, Joy!!!, perfection...you get it :)
Friday, September 25, 2009
SOA (State of Affairs) part 2
So I'm bearing my soul out to the whole world, and this blog still has zero readers/followers, how is this possible?! No clue. Anyway, why I do this I cannot imagine. Some part of me desperately wants to be seen and noticed - how lame of me, yet how completely human and honest. So I find nothing wrong with this. The day somebody actually posts a "comment", may be then I will think about pulling these posts down, hehe. Until then, naked-blog-running-loose-on-the-internet does not bother me so much.
What else, my room now has a very warm and cosy reading corner, complete with beautiful lavendar incense holders and all that. I feel privileged. Really. Not even all the money in the world can give me as much happiness as gently putting in all those precious books I've collected over the years into their respective shelves. So I have: 1) a new copy of The Prophet (because the old one got pissed on by my ex-kittens, which I've now replaced, complete with old underlinings and scribbles, because I thought I might have put in something golden), 2) Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, 3) Love and Marriage by Bill Cosby, 3) Adrian Mole from Minor to Major (hilarious, I totally recommend this), 4) The Catcher in the Rye (don't judge me), 5) A Streetcar named Desire, 6) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, 7) Siddhartha Hermann Hesse, 8) Richard Bach (Illusions and Jonathon Living..), 9) The Little Prince by Antoine (I have it in English, don't ask me why), 10) Stand Still Like the Hummingbird by Henry Miller (simply awesome), and many, many lovable others. I've read many of these books twice.
I now spend most of my time in this corner, along with my laptop, my beloved books (I have some "love stories" stashed away in this hide out as well, hehe), drawing notebook, sketch pens (I'm doing a colour study, and I've gotten as far as discovering the colour palette of Nice!)..how can a girl move her ass out of here when she's this settled?!! Who needs men, yawnn...
So it's 1:14 in the mornin, and me thinks its time to hit the cotton (who knows what they put in there anyway), but I don't feel ready for bed. These days my routine is partially liked by me, and partially disliked by both me and the rents: start day at 12 pm (I don't like this either btw, if I had it my way, I'd make the sun wake up a bit later, and I'd be just in time for beautiful dawn), drag on till night 10 pm when I become most active, and then suddenly I hit fifth gear which goes on till about 2 am. My favourite times of the day: dawn (wish I was up for it) and 4 pm. There is something magical about 4 pm, and I still can't put my whole finger on it. Its the colour of the sky at this time mostly that makes it likable, and the way the sun streams in through the windows.
Alrighty yall, all you ghost readers out there. Leave a comment to let me know what you think.
Love,
Divs
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
State of affairs
Ok, we're shifting house now, and the amount of small swallowable (wrong spelling?!) parts that we have just amazes me. How is it possible that four members of the family (plus or minus about 2-5 at any one moment) managed to collect so much of random shit over a period of 10 years?! honestly!!! its such a headache to sort out all the random papers, certificates, random random stupid things..ridiculous. I know one thing for sure, I build a house and I pretty much stay there. Put. That's it. No shifting wifting for me, and no accumulating random crap for me either. No sensible impulsive top of mind purchases any more. And if my kids want to buy random stupid plastic parts, I will make them degradable replicas out of wood of the same things. No kidding.
Ok so yeah, can you actually believe that romantic crazy me, who always was interested in a relationship, dreamed about the ideal "soulmate" for so often has finally stopped thinking about that?! I call this a victory, and honestly I would drink to that. If only I had 10 or so girlfriends (the gang I've always dreamed about but never had - cause I've always really had just one or two special, close friends, and they may be a guy or gay, doesn't matter), I would totally do this (drink to my victory I mean). I would drink to my getting over the endless worrying or fantasizing about this ideal guy. Ok.
Then. My puppies. I'm a little worried about them. I've already mothered so many people in my life (including my ex) that I feel like I have so much mothering experience that I don't even feel the need to have kids anymore. Really. One is a small crazy cute puggy looking thing, and the other is awesomeness incarnate. And awesomeness incarnate (cause we don't have a name yet)which is bigger (and older) is jealous of the smaller one. I thought - ok, the small one looks puggy and not more "attractive" (in the conventional sense) and was a little weaker so I paid more attention to it, and now the older one is suffering from self-esteem problems. Kids. What can you do. You try one parenting technique and then you skew them up forever. Shit. I hope they will turn out alright. Otherwise I will suffer from mother's guilt forever!!
So what else, what else. My face...strage canvas this. I've tried all kinds of things to bring it to that state of perfect complexion (not colour, I mean like smooth and nice, I don't know if there's any word for this), but it always beats me somehow. I've got combination skin, so products for oily skin make parts of my face too dry, and products that are for matte skin really stimulate my sebaceous glands. So yurghhh...its overall nice really, not complaining too much, but every now and then, I'm envious of good-skinned people. I am also envious of women with long legs, I hate them, but only a little bit. Other than that, I'm a girl who is pretty comfortable in her own body. Which I think is a gift in the times we live in. We live in times where our standards of beauty are pretty much fucked up (ok I don't want to really talk further about this).
My parents. I'm trying several childing techniques to be a better child, some are working, so that's good. I live with them, which makes it very weird for me because this is the time when I have to really be independent and really strike out on my own in the world, and at a time like this, there are bound to me many arguments, because I want somethings done my way, and they want it another way, and I totally understand, but I feel we'd all show a lot more love and respect to each other if I was doing my own thing and living by myself. What to do. I've told them that I'm going to live on the roof in my new house. They laughed. But I'm doing this partly for their sanity, and partly for mine. See how thoughtful I am.
So pups, new house, new living arrangement, hopefully better and better skin, a more comfortable me. I'm aging pretty gracefully I'd say. Loving life and its amazing contrasts. What can I say, I'm a lucky girl.
Cheers all.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
The hidden connections
After an event passes me by, it is as if a veil of ignorance (which did not allow me to see these connections before) is lifted and I begin to see `the why' of things. There are so many people in the world who are in pain because they are unable to isolate themselves from their grief and do not rise up and make "the connections" - if they were able to see them and exercise understanding and compassion both with themselves and others, so much suffering could be avoided and life would be more in alignment with Source which is truly about joy and energy and creativity. I hope every body can stretch themselves and make the leap for the joy that is always so inherent in every moment of this life on earth!
"I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day"
- Johnny Nash
Saturday, March 29, 2008
This modern life
b
I seek freedom. I thirst for flight. I seek nature and the sounds of birds and animals in the morning. I seek the fulfillment of dreams. I wish for energy from nature. I wish to build my own home with my own blood and sweat. I wish to till my own farm and reap the fruits of my harvest. I wish to be exposed to the vagaries of nature, and learn some true lessons of life. I wish to live like the red indian or the shaman, who only takes his lessons from the stillness he experiences within and outside. I am sick of our institutions, I am sick of the people and the games they play to win little favours. I wish to end this game to survive. Nature, my guru, my master. I wish to be united with thee.
Monday, February 18, 2008
The face of Pradeep is everywhere
b
When you are in India, you become used to a host of people looking after you - servants, cooks, drivers, watchmen, and the odd kid who runs to the grocery store for you at the drop of a hat. We take this "servant" culture for granted. It was a hand-me down from the Brits who began the `aaya' system in India. Why haven't we learnt to let go of it and take care of our own chores? Labour is extremely cheap in India, and there are people who are willing to take little pay for such physically demanding work.
b
I wasn't able to be as friendly to Pradeep initially - even being a little wary of this boy - having been unconsciously conditioned to be wary of people from "lower classes". Then a German friend of mine asked - "why don't you teach him English in your spare time? the poor thing has probably never been to school, and it might do him some good?!". That suddenly changed everything for me. Bhaskar always called me `akka' (older sister) - may be I could be a real akka for him and take him under my wing to teach him a thing or two? I was actually capable of changing this boy's world, even if it only temporarily?
b
How many such Pradeeps exist in India?! Their backs toiling at an age when they should be playing with children of their own age and studying in school. Illiterate, abandoned, bastard children to call no one their own?! Why can't these children be considered our own children and taken care of in the right way? Why are they allowed to rot on the streets?! They could be subject to the worst treatment - verbal, physical, sexual abuse, child labour - this unfair life is something they were unwittingly born into for no faults of their own. They are in need of a word beginning with j and ending with an e: JUSTICE.
b
* Names changed to protect identity
Friday, February 15, 2008
Become The Sun
The self contains the all illuminating brilliance of The Sun. We have but to look within to find all the glory, all the bliss that we seek every second of our being. This is our search. Our search for completion, for the feeling of ultimate fulfillment; ultimate happiness and salvation. And our answer lies closer than the breath we take. Human beings constantly seek this fulfillment outside of themselves. In television, in a career, in a relationship, in the ultimate makeover, in husbands and mistresses, in Oprah, in Islam, in the Orthodox Christian Church, in Barrack Obama, in government, in misery, in children, in friends...the list is endless. Here is a quote of Aldous Huxley's: "One of the many reasons for the bewildering and tragic character of human existence is the fact that social organization is at once necessary and fatal. Men are forever creating such organizations for their own convenience and forever finding themselves the victims of their home-made monsters."
b
I don't intend to offend anyone's sincere quest for the truth here, but would merely like to quote once again a saying in Buddhism for those of you who still didn't get it: "if you see the Buddha, kill him!!!". What this merely means is that we cannot grow attached to anything in particular, however noble the path may be, because at a certain point we begin to identify more with this attachment than with the actual truth which resides within our being. As long as we use the tools of the outside world only as just that - tools to make us more aware of our inner truth - we are not in danger of losing our selves to them.
b
Desirelessness does not necessarily mean less sensitivity to the outside world, but rather, more of it. The truth unites every being in the universe, and it is impossible to remain unaffected by the miseries of the world we live in. Once we have discovered the inner truth, we begin to see it every where around us (even if it lies hidden beneath several layers!). And the more we begin to see it every where, the more we begin to be the drivers of positive change in the world we reside in. Now, quoting from Huxley's "Doors of Perception" essay:
b
Istigkeit - wasn't that the word Meister Eckhart liked to use? "Is-ness." The Being of Platonic philosophy - except that Plato seems to have made the enormous, the grotesque mistake of separating Being from becoming and identifying it with the mathematical abstraction of the Idea. He could never, poor fellow, have seen a bunch of flowers shining with their own inner light and all but quivering under the pressure of the significance with which they were charged; could never have perceived that what rose and iris and carnation so intensely signified was nothing more, and nothing less, than what they were - a transience that was yet eternal life, a perpetual perishing that was at the same time pure Being, a bundle of minute, unique particulars in which, by some unspeakable and yet self-evident paradox, was to be seen the divine source of all existence.
b
The cultivation of truth - for our soul is like a farm that needs to be tended to regularly - can begin with living a more authentic life. The soul always flows in the right direction - see where it takes you - often the best plans are the higher Divine plans that our conditioned brains can sometimes never even conceive of. In Buddhism, sitting meditation is often said to be the most effective way to discover the inner truth - Vipassana is an excellent technique recommended by the wise. In Hinduism, a treasure trove of techniques are said to exist - anything from Sanskrit texts/mantras to yoga, or even the Bhakti (devotional) or Jnana margas (path of wisdom). Reading the Zohar (Kabbalah) or following the Sufi way (by expressing love for the Divine), are all said to be (tried and tested) paths to the great Truth which often lay hidden from undeserving eyes.
b
My friend, seek not to collect moons, which are mere reflectors of light - Seek to become the one and only Sun which radiates luminosity in every direction. The path may not be completely facile, but the reward is eternal light, and with it, eternal fulfillment.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A poem (V Day special)
Friday, February 08, 2008
A confused Country and a conditioned Soul; the state of affairs in India today
All we are left with is the legacy of the old, the symbols of a glorious past - `Om's freely adorn our houses and tikas adorn our foreheads (said to be the doors of illumination), beautiful sacred geometric patterns decorate our courtyards, and Krsna is found to make his appearance more popularly on saris and as home furnishings than in the Bhagavad Gita. Daily existence is fueled by the need to survive, based on systems that barely coordinate. A typical life looks like this: baby -> gruelling school -> wasted college -> pointless I.T. job -> marriage and kids -> diabetes or high cholesterol related disease -> pointless death -> cycle continues through progeny. What makes the average Indian so bloody ignorant??!
b
My appearance in this country is not any less of a mystery, and makes for a fascinating story. A country liberated from a western army is now in the throngs of hollywood films and is draped in denim fabric rather than khadi - our education has gone beyond `Convent' to the all exclusive `English-medium', as long as it delivers the necessary results. I myself was educated in an all English-speaking school. I would have to thank the stars that at least in my school we did not have a rule against speaking in our native language of Tamil (as some other schools did). Tamil is one of the oldest languages in the world, and is beginning to die in the hands of the present young generation, in the very state/province it first originated in. Middle and upper class Tamilians these days cannot talk Tamil without sprinkling a few English words in between!!
b
I grew up on a steady diet of classical English literature and American poetry at school, and Archie comics, Nancy Drews, Enid Blytons, and (later) Hollywood movies and music from the Backstreet Boys, at home. Here was a girl, who had heard of the bravery of our `freedom fighters' more like a fantasy tale...patriotism was put into our heads more like an obligation, than as an understanding, waiting for the time when a generation grows older and does not find the need for it any longer (today Gandhi makes his appearance in Indian pop culture). My idealism stems more from literature I read written by American poets with liberal tendencies, than by the Indian freedom movement!
b
We now are moved by Bollywood films and cricket more than by Bhakti movement poetry. This is the same land that was once home to Sufi saints and Hindu mystics alike. So many thousands embarked on the journey of their inner soul. So many awakened on the banks of the great Ganges that is now so polluted and choked with the toxic wastes of the present civilisation.
b
Our solutions lie closer to the heart than we can ever imagine. Spirituality has to be brought into the Parliaments, and talked about with an ever increasing urgency and as the need of the hour. The solution for India does not lie in the western concepts of economic development. We have to seek higher solutions. Solutions that originate from a Divine mind, a Divine soul that is this country. We cannot expect to lay more roads and extinguish poverty. We need smaller communities, education within these communities, and an education that finds its foundations in spirituality and self-enquiry rather than on useless historical facts that are forgotten right after the students exit the exam halls. Solutions lay sprinkled in our past. The gurukula system, the smaller townships that were governed on a basis of Dharma, these are the symbols we need to adopt for today.
As for the individual...we cannot stop the influx of western materialism and idealogies, but we can instil in our young minds, the greater spiritual secrets that have been opened up and laid bare in the recent centuries. When a solid foundation is in place, it is difficult to shake it, in spite of any kind of external disturbances. We have to teach our children to follow their hearts and Divine guidance, rather than listen to people who talk from their selfish egos. We have to cultivate in them an independent attitude and the thirst for truth, rather than a conformist attitude and dependency on conventional thinking. This is the solution for the `modern' Indian society and today's `modern' Indian individual. Old is indeed Gold, but can be flexed to be adapted to provide solutions for the New.
Me, my path
However, altruism no longer feels like an alien concept to me. I really have begun to feel real responsibility for a lot of issues in this world - poverty and ignorance being a huge one, beginning with my own country.
Money still seems to pose a bit of a challenge for me - me being afraid as to how I would survive in this world, if I do not have the proper devices to earn money.
I find much comfort in anonymity, often afraid to approach people and to ask them even for small favours. I do not know why I am this way. I have to admit that I am more introverted than extroverted, although when the situation calls for it, I can be very extroverted. So I swing between extremes sometimes. I can be extremely melancholic - but people can make me very happy. I wonder why am I this way?
In any case, I at least have a 1 year plan as to what I want to do with my life, beginning with travelling and then teaching - clearly not money-making ventures...but let us see what surprises this Universe could bring us!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Call to build a new world
b
Come, let us build a new world.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Unleash the God Within
Light -> Matter (physical body) -> Light
Vallalaar got the formula right (“jyothi ul jyothi ul jyothi”) – but his means to achieve the transformation to pure light was not successful.
The number 6 is very significant. While most people consider the number 7 to be important, what is important is that there are 3 above, 3 below, and the one in the middle which helps to anchor the 6. Thus, we can form the vajra within us. The central portion is the heart chakra, the 3 above are represented by the upper part, and the 3 below are represented by the lower part. While most people give great significance to the higher chakras, believing that it is our (slow) rise to the highest chakra from the lowest chakra which is important – I am completely against this theory.
I believe the heart chakra to be the most important chakra. We can compare this to the Bhakti chapters of the Bhagavad Gita which anchor the 2 other margas (paths) which occur at the beginning and the end of the Gita.
The seven "heavens" are within the human. Thus we have three gradatory heavens that lie above us, and three gradatory hells that lie below us, transformational/transitional heavens that lie to the right, and transformational/transitional heavens to the left. This is how we form the four pronged vajra, with us at the centre…
Once you understand that the four pronged vajra is a dynamic figure, and not a static one, you find that you form a circuit – it is a wheel which spins.
The secret is to realise this; that the entire Cosmos lies within us (when you multiply to infinity, you realise the cosmos within). We create the universe we live in – and everything that lies within it. If you had all the gods within you – the creative aspect of Brahma, the preserving aspect of Vishnu, the destructive aspect of Shiva, and so on, then you have all the power of the gods bestowed upon you. The fragile human being is now converted to the power of the very Brahman himself. The realization of this truth, the realization of the power of the gods within us, is our climb towards ultimate spiritual realization. We must build all these aspects of our consciousness within us, step by step.
We also have the power of demons within us. However, the avatar of the human being, is the central avatar – the avatar of the heart. He has to make great realizations on the level of the heart chakra. His ascent to the heavens, is his preparation to make his next avatar as a god. Thus, we have to rise above us, as we have already realized the demons within us. However, when the final ascent is made, our transformation becomes complete to include all aspects within us. If we are indeed all of the creative manifestation, we also include the demonic powers – we realise the whole of creation within us, and we calmly accept it all. We are the eternal Purusha in all his splendour – the vishwa-roopam.

As Buddha is usually depicted – with eyes neither wide open, nor completely closed – neither completely closed to the creative manifestation, nor completely embroiled and caught up in the manifestation – he is the calm seer, not taking part in it, but not outside of it – he views all with wisdom and acceptance.
b

