Call to build a new world

We are on the brink of change. Our old ways, our old habits, the old controlling forces, have to make way for new ways, new habits and the Divine Force. It is time for us to leave behind the rat race, and build a world which is based not on money or individual gain, but on love and the Divine Will.

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Look around you; observe the life you live. What do we see? It is a vicious cycle of production and consumption. The whole life seems to have been spent standing in one long queue. After you are born, you are placed in a sterile, plastic environment, given all the shots you require, given your social security number and then dropped onto the conveyer belt of hell - you will then be processed in the education machine to become a good worker, a good father, a good so-and-so. You pay all your taxes, you pay the interest on your credit card (laying down, without a word of protest), you allow your hard-earned salary to be dropped into a bank account, and all the necessary deductions are made automatically. You then proceed to walk into a huge "H & M" to pay for garbage boring clothes just to fit into the already conformist society. There is not even a pigeon hole of space for creativity. You follow store policy, you follow bank policy, you follow the government policy. H&M then pays your salary. You earn money for them (these corporate fat cats), and then forced to pay money for their own garbage. Everything is sub-standard and boring, and you accept it. Where is the room for individual creativity?! Even the government supports this kind of sub-standard living - as long as you pay the taxes, you are fine. Why don't you ever hear any interesting government policies?! Why doesn't your government support disabled children or old age homes?! Why are they more interested in supporting the industrialists?! They give you the standard excuse - the industrialists are the ones giving the jobs - but it is also the industrialists who set the rules and steal your freedom. It is the same industrialists who gobble up the small businesses and do not allow for creativity.

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99.98% of the society is composed of conformists. 0.01% are the controllers, and the remaining 0.01% are the rebels. The rebels of course are the so-called "greenies" and "activists" who are really just ranting and raving about nothing really. As long as the rest of society is conformist and is happy to have their sub-standard lives, then the rebels will continue to lose, and all that they are fighting for will just sound like noise. Once you wake up, once you decide to live life by different rules, that is the day that the corporate fat cats and the government will give you the hardest time ever. You will have to come face to face with an ugly system that is based on all the old laws - they will not want the change because they want to continue to survive - and you will have to fight them to make way for the change. It will be a hard and tough struggle, but in the end, you will have at least made the way for the new world. The old powers will realise that people no longer want to just merely survive - they want to live and breathe good air, they want creative products and generous sharing of knowledge and resources. No one wants to hold onto their things any more and are willing to live for a united world, and not for their individual selfish egos.

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The greenies and rebels will not be alone. Join them in their fight. Choose decisively - what is most important to you?! What is most important to this world, not just for your stomach, but for the whole world? Fight on this side. Don't be a conformist any longer. It is time to wake up and smell the polluted air, and time to make a change.

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There is a solution to disarm the existing economy. It is a guerrilla strategy. Do not try to grab their dirty money. Instead, don't have any utility for that money. Create a parallel economy. Support green businesses, support smaller, more creative businesses, support systems which are based on sharing and not surviving. Take away the control and power from the large powers that be, and give it to the smaller, more angelic forces. By doing this, you will be shifting the power to more Divine hands. Slowly, we can disarm our `enemies', and transform this world from the bottom up. Every drop in the ocean counts, and no effort is a futile effort. What is more important is that you realise it is time for a change, and live life differently from henceforth. Here is a good way to begin: click on the website below and calculate your personal ecological footprint; then look at the Take Action calculator, and see how you can make green lifestyle changes -

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http://www.earthday.net/footprint/index.asp

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Next. Join a sustainable community. I truly do believe that sustainable communities can pave the way to a new world. When you keep things smaller, you tend not to destroy and deplete more of the planet's resources. You will not be relying on ugly large industries for unsustainable things such as plastics, and unsustainable sources of energy. You will be supporting your own local farm produce, and the local economy (small and medium sized enterprises). Take a look at the following communities (there are more, but these are the only ones I am aware of):

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www.auroville.org

www.findhorn.org

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If you haven't noticed already, but many of these sustainable communities and "eco-villages" have a spiritual foundation. This is part of the new universe that we have to build - the spiritual is not some how alienated from the real. Spiritual life and real life are intertwined and cannot exist without one another. It is only when one does not have a spiritual existence, that one feels depressed and devoid of any life. All of the health problems - both physical and psychological, can be traced back to the old industrial way of living - which does not have any roots in the spiritual at all. When you lead a more conscious existence, aware of the Divine Energy which every single cell and atom is vibrating with, it is then that you begin to lead a healthier life as well. Changing our old habits is the hardest thing. I find this true even with myself. I am seriously contemplating vegetarianism, and making lifestyle changes - even I possess a poverty consciousness which I have to change if I have to live in an economy that is based on sharing and generosity and working for what we enjoy. But, we have to begin now. 2012 is not far off.
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Come, let us build a new world.

Unleash the God Within

The human being is condensed matter. It’s source is light, and to light it must return.

Light -> Matter (physical body) -> Light

Vallalaar got the formula right (“jyothi ul jyothi ul jyothi”) – but his means to achieve the transformation to pure light was not successful.

The number 6 is very significant. While most people consider the number 7 to be important, what is important is that there are 3 above, 3 below, and the one in the middle which helps to anchor the 6. Thus, we can form the vajra within us. The central portion is the heart chakra, the 3 above are represented by the upper part, and the 3 below are represented by the lower part. While most people give great significance to the higher chakras, believing that it is our (slow) rise to the highest chakra from the lowest chakra which is important – I am completely against this theory.

I believe the heart chakra to be the most important chakra. We can compare this to the Bhakti chapters of the Bhagavad Gita which anchor the 2 other margas (paths) which occur at the beginning and the end of the Gita.

The seven "heavens" are within the human. Thus we have three gradatory heavens that lie above us, and three gradatory hells that lie below us, transformational/transitional heavens that lie to the right, and transformational/transitional heavens to the left. This is how we form the four pronged vajra, with us at the centre…

Once you understand that the four pronged vajra is a dynamic figure, and not a static one, you find that you form a circuit – it is a wheel which spins.

The secret is to realise this; that the entire Cosmos lies within us (when you multiply to infinity, you realise the cosmos within). We create the universe we live in – and everything that lies within it. If you had all the gods within you – the creative aspect of Brahma, the preserving aspect of Vishnu, the destructive aspect of Shiva, and so on, then you have all the power of the gods bestowed upon you. The fragile human being is now converted to the power of the very Brahman himself. The realization of this truth, the realization of the power of the gods within us, is our climb towards ultimate spiritual realization. We must build all these aspects of our consciousness within us, step by step.

We also have the power of demons within us. However, the avatar of the human being, is the central avatar – the avatar of the heart. He has to make great realizations on the level of the heart chakra. His ascent to the heavens, is his preparation to make his next avatar as a god. Thus, we have to rise above us, as we have already realized the demons within us. However, when the final ascent is made, our transformation becomes complete to include all aspects within us. If we are indeed all of the creative manifestation, we also include the demonic powers – we realise the whole of creation within us, and we calmly accept it all. We are the eternal Purusha in all his splendour – the vishwa-roopam.

As Buddha is usually depicted – with eyes neither wide open, nor completely closed – neither completely closed to the creative manifestation, nor completely embroiled and caught up in the manifestation – he is the calm seer, not taking part in it, but not outside of it – he views all with wisdom and acceptance.
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Sources (images and some content):
http://www.pastlifetherapy.org/article.html

http://image03.webshots.com/

http://what-buddha-said.net/Pics/

www.khandro.net/images/

The Frail Human

I have reached the point, at the very abyss, the point where all points meet and collide, when I can finally draw up my sleeves and declare my conclusions.

The human being is the most confused being I have known in my 23 years of existence on this planet (if the assumption is that I indeed exist on a terrestrial plane and within the framework of a linear time scale). “It” is never consistent – and is slave to everything and nothing at the same time (I have used the neuter gender here in order to avoid all references to any sort of superficial aspects that differentiate one from another). It is slave to its mental, physical, psychological, spiritual being; and is master of them all, for it is never consistent to any one facet of itself. It is this very fact that drives one another crazy – the lack in consistency in behaviour, thought, action and being. It is this very nature that also occupies the majority of space in their lives and gives it its unique colours.

It is these multi factors which each choose to rear their heads at the most unexpected of times, and which contribute to the often unpredictable circumstances which human beings find themselves in. I must also state, here, that it is this reason why it is said that human beings choose their own destiny. The majority of the circumstances in their lives were of their own choosing – their joys and worries, their hopes and tragedies, almost all of them have been derived from their own nature – and from the collision course that they inevitably subject themselves to, when they decide to take up this journey. How brave this creature is – to take up this arduous journey? In spite of every type of circumstance, it continues to exist and continues to be. I admire the courage of the human being.

Like artists, we all pick up our brushes at the beginning of each life time, and use different colours to paint different hues. The canvas cannot be created unless there are hues to play with. Some may paint in mono colour, rather unusual, but most choose to paint anyway. Some choose to live a rather passive life, while others are filled with deranged emotions, and others choose to be so involved in one activity that they are happy to pursue it for the rest of their lives and believe it to be their sole redemption.

In truth, every thing is completely useless. Whatever actions are undertaken in this lifetime are more of a time pass than anything else. Karma seems more like a threat than truth. In all eventuality, every being will die; and even if it is reborn, it will die again! Death is the goal of life, and life is the goal of death.

This is why I find such great utility in laughter. When you laugh, you are not doing anything useful. It keeps you happy and light. It does not help you assume such grand conclusions that you are the sole saviour of this world. When you laugh, you have no responsibility, no worry, no anxiety, no unhappiness. When you laugh, you forget your ego, your existence, and all you are aware of is the pleasant feeling running through you.

Keeping in mind the nature of the human being – perhaps it is with this knowledge that we can also forgive. Every one is inconsistent in their behaviour, and every one is in the learning process. Even after much learning, it is still possible that they commit mistakes. So, we learn to be compassionate. Like a child who makes mistakes in its homework, similarly, were we God, were we the creator of this frail being, we can forgive, for it is our own creation – our own peculiar creation – like the puppy that falls about and breaks everything while it is young – and we forgive easily. Here I quote Bob Marley – “every man was a baby once”. And so forgive, forget, laugh it off, and accept your own inconsistencies, as you would others’ and live life with a song in your heart.

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The number 23 is everywhere eh?! Well it was there yesterday too. So here is a post to commomerate the supreme day of October the 3rd.

Life is getting simpler. I am beginning to realise that the Truth is not complicated. It is simple, easy to access and right here in the present moment. All our efforts are only aligned to reveal this simple Truth unto ourselves...but once it is tasted, there is no going back.

I am happy. I am tasting true happiness, after so many years. There is not much more I can say other than Thank You. Gratitude and enjoyment of the present moment, this is all we can, we must, and we need to do effectively.

I awake and I rise!

Aham Brahmasmi

Om Shanti Om

What the fuck is Brahman?

Pardon the language, but it was for effect. Yes, truly, "what the fuck is Brahman"?!

Brahman is you, Brahman is me.
Brahman is here, Brahman is naught.
Brahman out, Brahman in.
Break the seed, in between he is.
Brahman is the seed, the space in between and in between that.
Brahman littly, Brahman vastly.
Brahman insane and chaos
Brahman the vast understanding silence.
Brahman idiot
Brahman ignorant
Brahman Wise
Brahman serious
Brahman play
Brahman nothingness, Brahman everythingness.
Brahman All, Brahman Nall.
Brahman inhale, Brahman exhale.
Brahman seer, Brahman seen, Brahman sees the seer.
Aham Brahmasmi

Wisdom of the Upanisads

I feel gifted to be at Auroville, simply because I have a chance to access the wisdom of the Upanisads at the Savitri Bhavan every Wednesday. Finally, I am gaining a clearer understanding about existence, the reason for existence and our relationship to "God".

The Isha Upanisad is one of the most startling and most direct of all Upanisads in terms of the understanding of the Universe and our evolutionary rise towards Ultimate consciousness.

All that is, is for the habitation of the Lord (first line of the Isha). The Kingdom of God is within you and all about you.

Sri Aurobindo talks about two "descents" that resulted in all of creation. The Kabbalah has a very similar doctrine with regards to our fall into ignorance and our slow rise upwards. There is a subtle connection. In the Kabbalah, man was already in existence (frolicking in the garden of Eden) after which he fell from Grace. According to Sri Aurobindo, the descent was what brought the whole of creation into being - there was the Word, and then were the [first descent] and the [second descent] and all came into being.

The Vedas and the Upanisads are not meant just for a mere philosophical understanding of Creation, but it is much deeper than that - they are actually a platform, a literal "bridge" into greater understanding. They literally take you that much closer to the Lord as you read and understand them. The Sanskrit alphabet carries with it greater vibrations - it is, as it was put by one Sanskrit textbook, the "language of the Gods". It is an experiential understanding, more than an intellectual understanding. I say so, because I feel it myself.

My very first post in the blog - "My theory of Unified Consciousness", I believe contains perhaps at least a subtle form of the Truth as present in the Upanisads, if not an accurate picture.

All is Brahman. All is for the enjoyment of the Brahman. Surrender to the Divine Will. Enjoy creation. Aham Brahmasmi - "I am Brahman".

Unity Consciousness

If you are not already aware of the concept of "memes", do check out this video to know more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzGjEkp772s&mode=user&search
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In one of my posts last year, I spoke about human beings being the only living creatures on Earth capable of conscious thinking. Now I will contradict myself in saying that what differentiates us from other living species is not conscious thinking, but our memes. We all believe in different memes - memes of religion, family, growth, the future, politics, and so on. These are the things that both separate us, and unite us ("us" as in us, the homo sapiens). We are not truly conscious just because we hold a certain ideology, or follow a certain religious thought - we are merely infected by a "meme". True conscious thinking does not separate us from other beings, but unites us. Every thought/belief/feeling can move us that much further from another being. Just because a person belives his Allah is higher than your Ram, does not mean he is made of different stuff from you - the same cells, the same living matter gives him his breath, as it gives you yours. We need to throw away our memes - they are mostly useless unless they enable us to share more, give more of ourselves to other beings. We must subscribe to a much higher sensation than our memes which are mere products of our own consciousness emanating from this dimension/planetary level - our "mayic/mayan" stories (illusory thinking).
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAvNlh2Z0GI&mode=user&search
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We must be aware of a dangerous disease that infects many today. Something I call spiritual elitism. Spiritual elitism is the phenomenon of feeling higher up on the spiritual evolutionary scale than others. It is so easy to succumb to this disease. Some of the symptoms are the feeling of a dire need to "convert" others, looking down upon "non-believers", etc. Spiritual elitism is linked to some of the memes you hold closest to your heart - and hence you have to be the most careful with them. Had Buddha been a spiritual elitist, Angulimala would have never been transformed. We have to extend our love unconditionally, even to the murderers and sinners in our society. Nobody gets left behind!!
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It is one thing to think we are all united, it is another to feel that we are united, and yet another, to "know" that we are united. Perhaps it is this awareness which the great buddhas call enlightenment. When Aurobindo felt he saw Krishna in everyone, I believe he had reached this sense of unity.
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I recently realised what Osho was talking about when he said that two lonely souls when united cannot make the other one feel better --> loneliness + loneliness does not = fullness! When both are ready to take from the other, empty vessels aching to be filled up, how can they ever share and feel full?! This was the problem with my previous relationships. I have to give in order to receive. We (the human species) are all the same, wanting to know the same truth, we must reach out and share.
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The reason I was feeling depressed recently was that I got caught up in my own problems/my own dark thoughts/I, me, mine. This kind of ego-centric thinking only leads to more misery. It is like getting entangled in a spider's web - you go deeper into the never-ending dark tunnel. The only way out is to think in terms of compassion - reach out to other people - the more you help others come out of their traps, the less you focus on yourself. The problem of "I" then miraculously dissapears.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5cZITQDTrE&mode=user&search
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Ask yourself, what are the memes that separate you from others? If there is someone who believes in a meme contradicting your own, then your meme separates you from that person. How many degrees are you away from the person sitting next to you?
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Picture credit: Artist Monica Stewart

St Therese, the little flower

Devotion. It has been a long time since I used that word, and I finally have found the occasion to use it. I have never admired a person, living or dead, to be moved enough - never found myself a devoted fan or ardent admirer, up until recently. For the first time in my life, I can say for certain, that I am devoted to St Therese of Lisieux. To clarify things, I am not a Catholic, neither am I a christian of any other denomination. My love for her is simple and not religious.

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My connection to her began in the very first weeks of my arrival in Lyon. I was on a touristic round of the sights of the town - and the Cathedrale St Jean was one of my stops. This cathedral is not very inspiring - it is quite dark inside, and frankly the energy is not very uplifting. But on the right hand side, very near the main altar, is an alcove which pays homage to St Therese. A beautiful white statue of her with outstreched arms seemed to literally call out to me. A smell of flowers, her pictures, and her prayers, moved me very near to a state of spiritual bliss. I felt sweet and happy inside. Her remains are not actually kept there I believe, but there had been a passage of her relics throughout Lyon with the Cathedrale being one of the stops. No matter, but her strong loving energy seemed to radiate from that place. I could feel the love - from a person who has been dead for almost 80 years!

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This is the only explanation I can give for my devotion to her. What I feel inside my heart; I am moved by her love.

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She died at a very young age in her hometown in France, at the mere age of 24. Her faith and love towards the Divine was described as "spiritual childhood". She often talked about using simple words to talk to god - fancy prayers weren't needed if they didn't come from the heart (she disliked the rosary and was even reported to have fallen asleep during community prayers). She believed the intention was more important than the very act itself.

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"I have not the courage to force myself to seek beautiful prayers in books; not knowing which to choose I act as children do who cannot read; I say quite simply to the good God what I want to tell Him, and He always understands me."

- Story of A Soul, Chapter X

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"Prayer is, for me, an outburst from the heart; it is a simple glance darted upwards to Heaven; it is a cry of gratitude and of love in the midst of trial as in the midst of joy! In a word, it is something exalted, supernatural, which dilates the soul and unites it to God. Sometimes when I find myself, spiritually, in dryness so great that I cannot produce a single good thought, I recite very slowly a Pater or an Ave Maria; these prayers alone console me, they suffice, they nourish my soul."
- Story of A Soul, Chapter X

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"The science of loving, yes, that’s the only kind of science I want. I’d barter away everything I possess to win it"

- Story of a Soul, Ms B, Knox translation

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"The good God does not need years to accomplish His work of love in a soul; one ray from His Heart can, in an instant, make His flower bloom for eternity..."
- VI letter to her sister Celine

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Here is an interesting excerpt I found from the following webpage - http://www.littleflower.org/learn/faq.asp#1

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How did St. Therese become known as the "Little Flower"?
St. Therese loved nature, and often used the imagery of nature to explain how the Divine Presence is everywhere, and how everything is connected in God's loving care and arms. Therese saw herself as "the Little Flower of Jesus" because she was just like the simple wild flowers in forests and fields, unnoticed by the greater population, yet growing and giving glory to God. Therese did not see herself as a brilliant rose or an elegant lily, by simply as a small wild flower. This is how she understood herself before the Lord - simple and hidden, but blooming where God had planted her.

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Therese believed passionately that Jesus was delighted in his "little flower", and just as a child can be fascinated by the grandeur of a simple flower, she believed that Jesus was fascinated by her as his "little flower". Therese understood that she was just like the tiny flower in the forest, surviving and flourishing through all the seasons of the year. Because of God's grace, she knew that she was stronger than she looked. Following the Carmelite tradition, Therese saw the world as God's garden, and each person being a different kind of flower, enhancing the variety and beauty which Jesus delighted in. When various people tried to explain her powerful inspiration and her place within the Church, it always seemed to come back to one title "The Little Flower".
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In her autobiography, she beautifully explains this spirituality:

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"Jesus set before me the book of nature. I understand how all the flowers God has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understand that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers. So it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He has created smaller ones and those must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be."

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Just before her death, St Therese proclaimed that she would continue to shower roses from heaven. She believed her life on earth to be a blessing and could not imagine if heaven would be better, because she realised god in this dimension itself, and there was nothing more left for her to do, but to continue loving the Divine. This is a simple and wonderful philosophy and encourages us to love the divine energy right here and now and not wait for some sort of heaven or salvation in the future to be happy. Present moment, wonderful moment!

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If it may interest you to know more about her, you might consider reading her autobiography - "Story of a Soul". May St Therese's love and devotion continue to radiate from heaven and fill our life with blessings and hope. Hope your life will be filled with love and blessings.

On leaving the scene, and some fundamental lies (and truths) exposed

Are you familiar with stand up comedian Dave Chappelle? The guy's awesome - he's got wit like the edge of a sword. In the summer of 2005, amidst a flourishing career, and at a time when he enjoyed huge popularity, he literally left the scene - fleeing to South Africa to contemplate life and career. I completely sympathise with him...and I'll admit, that even though I'm not going through any of the career-related stress or natural pressures associated with celebritydom, I still feel the need to flee modern life. It's given me everything, and given me nothing, and now I feel the need to escape. I feel like doing a bike ride across India - just the way Guevara did with his friend across South America (all I need is a crazy idiot friend who says "fuck, let's do this"). I need time out, I need space, I need freedom, I need a breath of fresh air, I need to see myself more clearly. I'm feeling suffocated by people, suffocated by my own thoughts, suffocated by the pressures associated with just having to do this or that, because people tell you it's the right thing to do.

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Here are some fundamental lies and truths exposed (of so-called "modern living"):

1. Nobody knows shit. Really. If they tell you they know the way, they are bullshitting you. The way is for you to discover, and not for them to tell you what it is.

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2. You have to have a family, a great career, a house, the farm, the chicken, the ducks, the whole wackamazoo...to feel happy. Truth is, before you know it, you'll be swimming in a lot of chicken shit, and you will still not have discovered true happiness.

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3. Everybody has their weakest link - a point of insecurity by which you can pull them down. But then that would be an insult to humanity. It would be inhuman because it is the one aspect which connects all of us irrespective of how accomplished we are in life, how popular, or beautiful...we all have an Achilles heel. But instead of bringing the other person down, we have to cultivate an attitude of understanding. Did it sting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to brush your wound. Understand and walk away, don't stand there allowing them to hurt you further, because an insecure person can also be a dangerous person, dangerous to your feelings that is.

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4. Everybody knows that deep inside of it all, they are empty. Remember The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger?:

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"I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind.... It may be the kind where, at the age of thirty, you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know."

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"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started."

~ Chapter 24, spoken by the character Mr. Antolini

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Why is everybody pretending so much? Do you know just how easy it is to tell somebody (it could even be the head of your country) - you are worthless, your life is worthless, and do you know just how quickly they would be prepared to believe you? There are so few among us who believe their life has this strong purpose and they were meant to do something incredible. Anything which you undertake to do solely for yourself (or your ego, to be more specific) or your progeny is bound to be an egotistical exercise which doesn't give you very much satisfaction at the end of sixty years of your life. So admit it, be honest to yourself, and say it with me - we are all completely worthless! The only worthy act in the world is to love, and to love completely - it is all we are useful for. We are all walking around with a vacuum, and instead of filling it up with junk, we can accept it as our natural phenomenon, and go on to do what we can do best - love.

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5. Do everything chronologically - be raised (conditioned) by your parents and teachers, educated by an ignorant society and by an even more ignorant formal educational system, find a job, have a family, have children, grow old, contract diabetes, you know the rest of the story. Well, it's all bullshit - don't you have a mind of your own? Did you ever think that it might be a good idea to do the thinking yourself? You know what society teaches you? It teaches you to be lazy. It teaches you, that if you do not break away from the mold, you will be punished. That is what you are conditioned with from childhood - you deviate, you will get slapped, you do something in a different manner, you're a freak...now it's time to set the records straight. All your life, you have been told what to do. What is the good thing, what is the right thing. At some point, if you truly think about it, you have to make a decision, to break away. Don't do what they tell you is good for you - do only what will really make you happy - the kind of happiness that comes from the deepest part of you - only you know what is truly good and right for you.

So have the courage...Fly!

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6. The best thing in life happens to you when you least plan for it. It comes from a place of borderless innocence and wide-eyed surprise.
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I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it.

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1

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Now I have to follow my own advice. For the first time in my life, I realise I'm an adult. My parents are not stopping me, society does not stop me. There are absolutely no barriers, and if there are any, they are only in my mind. For the first time in my life, I have to make the decisions myself, for myself. And it is so scary. The scariest thought on earth in fact. That I am completely responsible for my own upbringing and my choices from here on. I'm on my own. The real question is - what the heck do I do? Which is the way? This is my life, and there is no beaten path for me to follow. I have to chart my own course...draw my own map, and follow my own directions. Crazy, I wish I was better prepared for this moment. Dealing with uncertainty should be a habit, a way of life, instead it is something you think about only when you actually leave home...and some don't even get to that point where they have to think for themselves. We are so busy building our good fences that we never realise we are only trapping ourselves with the certainty wall we are so carefully building to protect ourselves.

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Come, my friends,

'T is not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho

'We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

b

- Tennyson, Ulysses

Self-cencorship and the need to live

I believe that we are constantly censoring ourselves - we are our own Moral Police. Judging ourselves constantly, we correct ourselves before we even begin to speak a sentence. For how long can this last? For how long will we live like the donkey tied to a tree by an invisible rope, not believing itself to be free?

b

I do it all the time. I will be the first to admit to being guilty of this crime. I want to live fully and stop censoring myself. It is a challenge when you are afraid that your "free living" might end up hurting someone in the process..

b

We are asleep for as long as we belive in the illusion of this existence which covers eternal truth like a layer of clouds, and it is in this haze that we exist: we live, we breathe, we die. And our duty is to merely uncover it.

b

Be warned: at some point you are bound to go mad. This is normal. You will question everything - from the meaning of your life, to the meaning of your soul and the universe, and everything and anything - and then you will become dull and enter insanity, it is bound to happen. But what you must not do is lose hope - because this hope is the instrument that will carry you through, above and beyond the darkness and then suddenly you will enter light, and you will be clear.

b

All we can and must truly do to the best of our abilities, is to love. Completely!

As this moment

I am as insignificant as this moment, this silence
I am as significant as this moment, this silence
In this moment I sleep, I wake
In it I breathe, I sigh
In it I live, I die
In it I am eternal, extinguished
Forever more, and no more
I am, not.

Stukin the insanity of the aftermath

I’m stukin the insanity of the aftermath
The decisions I made lying around like leaves after a storm
Uselessly drying away until they join the dust.
Like everyone else my mind is laid to waste
And so I wait to quench my thirst, my unquenchable thirst.
b
I’m stilled by all that surrounds me
Yet words in my mind fly around like insects on a busy summer’s day
Annoying me as they buzz in my ear, reminding me of work to be done.
b
What strange new paraphernalia can I add to this planet?
What new inventions to cure new diseases?
With no new words to soothe my soul, I kiss this afternoon too goodbye.

The mangled mind

Lately I've been feeling like there are a thousand noises inside my head, all at the same time. My handwriting is different (I observed, today, that my hand was weaker than usual), which is a strange phenomenon as they say that it is a strong indicator of your personality amongst other things.

b

I'm feeling exhausted and out of breath. I feel like doing other things; and I feel like I'm wasting my time here. I feel incredibly impatient, and don't know how I will ever be able to stick to a regular job like most folks. I'm afraid of losing my way, and I'm praying harder than ever to stick to the path.

b

I'm grateful for all that I've been given, but I'm still looking for something more. What is it?

A Child of the Universe

I have just begun reading Henry Miller. Fascinating fellow, with a very simplistic view of the world. I have already began to form a literary trail (the phenomenon that occurs when you find yourself picking up books which contain links to one another - a reflection of the fact that you are often interested in the same ideas). From Herman Hesse's `Siddhartha', to echos in Lin Yutang's `The Importance of Living', and Osho...words of Miller merely resonate the same sentiments and philosophy of the authors/spiritualists I have just mentioned.

b

Miller urges quite the same thing as Osho - stop attaching yourself to any particular goals, and live free. Be a bird, fly! This universe will provide everything, and there are no limits to what you can do and be. Everything else (pain, suffering, joy) are just makings of your own mind.

b

How I wish I could let go, and leap off the cliff that holds me back! How I wish it were as simple as saying it! How I wish I believed in Miller and Osho so much more, that I did not restrain myself! I feel like a horse that has all the power to gallop for miles and miles, but has instead bridled itself to a weak stupid wooden post. Constraints of having to make a living, feeding my stomach, worries of the future - these are what hold me back. These have shaped themselves into my leather saddle, resting heavily on my back.

b

If Osho could do it, if Eckhart Tolle could do it, then why not me? What am I so afraid of, and who am I waiting for to give me an assurance? I cannot rely on my father for financial support - it is far too shameful. Is financial support the only kind I look for? What about other kinds of support which I unknowingly seek? Emotional, mental, spiritual...How can we truly liberate ourselves, and live without attachments?

b

If we are truly children of this universe, and made in the likeness, the very image of God, why can't we be free? I want to be free.

My veils of ignorance

I discovered that everytime I entered clarity, I would become aware of it, uninnocent, that my ego came into play, and I entered ignorance again.

b

I am playful, innocent, then aware of this innocence, and thus I became serious again.

b

Laughter begins, awareness of laughter happens, and sadness sets in.

b

The secret is to laugh without ego, live without seriousness, and be without being.

b

The Upanisads contain the secrets of the eternity, the infinite. You can never be only spiritualist and be whole, never be materialist and be whole. One has to be all, all-encompassing. Everytime you begin to isolate parts of yourself, you break yourself into pieces, thus leaving no room for wholeness to take place. Embrace all the nonsense - be aware of it, and it dissapears into the whole. It becomes engulfed by the vast infinite, there is no room for only it to exist.

b

I recently understood just how serious I had become, after I met someone. It was a stark contrast - dark appeared darker against the light. I became envious of the laughter, the joy, the simplicity of just being completely in the moment and not dwelling in the past or concerning oneself too much with the future. I realised how possessive I had become, how much I wanted to hold onto a person. And all this while, I had imagined that I was on my way to spiritual A+!! True love happens when there is complete freedom; where there is fear and jealousy, there is no love.

b

Now I have to begin again...back to square one. I have to `neti, neti' - negate, negate - negate all that is not necessary, and dissolve into The Infinite.

The relationship with my country

I am 22 years old, and in the last 6 years, I have lived in 5 countries (including my own), and travelled to 6 others. The continents I'm yet to visit are Africa, Australia and South America. For nearly 5 years, I haven't lived in my country for longer than 6 months. So the question of the relationship with my country must truly be a curious one.

Do I love India?

Do I hate India?

Do I not care either way, whether I live there or not?

Do I love India, but would like to live elsewhere?

Would I rather live in another country?

Will I return?

What do I feel about her? This grand country, older than time itself, seasoned by many saints and wise men and women, peppered by different regimes - kings and princes and princesses, who is this woman? I am miniscule in comparison to the grandeur of her history, her wisdom, and her beauty. I represent a small, tiny part of who she is - yet I am part of her, all the same. I am one of her millions of daughters, and one of thousands who chose to leave her for a while. But I believe I will be one of the few, perhaps amongst hundreds, who choose to return to her - to the womb that gave birth to me.

Yes, I am proud to be who I am; even if I am indeed only a microscopic part of her grandeur. I love my country dearly - the chaos, the noise, the colours, the joy of the people, the sadness of the people, our festivals, our celebration of life and death, our firm belief in truth and divinehood, our memories, our families, our soil and farms and villages, our children and their games, our debates and arguments, our intellectuals, our fools, our wisemen, our divinemen - all this and more, I love about India.

While I am proud, I am not always happy...India is complex, and not to be taken at face value. I am ashamed about the many evils that were committed and continue to be committed on this ancient land, by its people - The Gujarat Massacre (2,500 people were killed), the value of human life is so less - remember the ship breaking yards of Gujarat, our discrimination of muslims, our attitude towards women and relationships, the whole caste problem (and the debate of reservations), and bureaucracy at all levels of administration.

But will this deter me from returning, change my mind? Not in the least, although it reminds me that there are problems in my country - but which country does not have its share of problems? If we were all cowards and decided to stay in a safer environment, then the world will never change. And so my mind has not changed since I first left for Singapore in 2002 - I will return to India. To live and to work there.

And yes, I care dearly. I care too much - I want to make a difference, and I also want to enjoy my life - fortunately, India can afford me both. Year 2009 will see my return, when I will begin my entrepreneurial and non-profit projects - it will be a most memorable time indeed.

Image copyright: 2007 Europa Technologies, 2007 NASA

The Golden Pedestal

I'm making new discoveries in my life, every single day. Emotionally, spiritually, I'm taking baby steps. And it's taking me further along the path...

...Then one day I began to feel proud of myself - perhaps I'm special, better than others, because I understand some things better than they. Here was the trap, the loophole, and if I may say it, The Temptation. You start to walk around like you're Neo from The Matrix, about to save the mother ship from thousands of evil virus robot creatures.

In actuality, I believe, Christ was right in saying - be careful of temptation. Now let me make it clear, I'm hardly a religious person - I believe in eternal wisdom and truth more than I believe in the R word. But temptation is nothing but our own Egos, and everytime we have to make a choice, the wise choice. The choice to not act from our egos, but something much purer. And so it goes for every single human being, every cellular living breathing being and literally every atom in this universe - it is all energy, we're all the same, and we're all unified. It is not possible for us to awaken, and then sit back and relax. Everything must progress for it to be called true progress. Everything must awaken for it to be real awakening.

So the next time you begin to turn your nose up at someone who is ignorant, prejudiced, violent, abusive, remind yourself - they have to progress and they will also walk the path just as you are walking right now - send them love and encouragement and pray that the good angels be by their side always. May we all walk on the Divine path towards Eternal Grace and light. Amen!

Be...come?

So many great religions and bodies of thought have stated enlightenment to be a "becoming", a "re-discovery" of the authentic self. This seems a little ironic to me. Why go through all the trouble of forgetting your true nature, and then dusting off the unwise parts of ourselves, and blooming into nirvana - why? Why should every cell in our bodies "re-awaken"? Why should every atom in the Universe ascend fully into its highest consciousness until it is enlightened...why?

b

Why not always be infinitely infinite? Forever "be", instead if "be-come"? Why fall asleep before awakening? Why not forever be awake?

b

The Kabbalah states that one reason could be attributed to the doctrine of the "Bread of Shame" which states that human beings at the time of Moses (recall the event on Mount Sinai) wanted to `earn' the benevolence of the Creator before being fully bestowed with his Lightforce. Thus we descended into darkness, and we are in the process of slowly `earning' our way to enlightenment.

b

Isn't this simply amazing? I don't know whether to believe in Kabbalah's theory. Whatever said and done, I know what I have to do and have some idea of how to go about it, although I do not know why I am part of this Universal game. Does anybody have any other theories?

The last piece of the puzzle

I think it was at 13, the year before the one in which The Matrix was released, when I began to question my reason for existence - in fact I felt like I was living in a little cloud of questions. What the hell am I doing on this planet, in this family, in this school...etc. etc.

b

Now, I am clearer (note, I didn't say "clear"!). I am here to take my time with learning the lessons I have to learn. What lessons? Lessons of understanding, awareness, love, and most importantly - trust.

b

The more that we learn to trust in this universe and in ourselves, the more we are aligned with our true higher self. As noted in The Matrix - we have to learn to let go of our fears and trust in our inner power. Like Neo, we are still dormant - "Wake up Neo!".

b

Everyday I come across new people, or resources (such as books or interenet sites), or messages in the form of popular media, which are leading me to unsolve this big puzzle which is me and my life - "Who am I, what am I here for?". As my father used to say - a man with a hammer will find nails everywhere. The hammer is my questions on existence, the nails are the answers. So go around with a hammer, and you will find more nails than you expected to find!

b

I am happy to take my time with my learning. I'm in no rush, awareness is slowly seeping its way into my system and I'm truly grateful for it :)

b

p.s. There is no last piece of the puzzle as learning is a never-ending process - the mountain of knowledge has no peak!

Impressions

It's been a while since I recorded my thoughts. It's a Wednesday, I'm writing from the city of Lyon in France. I arrived here in the beginning of January, and I've collected quite a few impressions of this new country I'm in.
b
Living here is the most different it has ever been for me (I've lived in countries other than India). French people are the most different foreign people I've ever encountered. I often find them on the brink of insensitive, but here I only refer to the younger folk. Most older people are quite polite and nice (or at least I think they are).
b
Their culture is steeped in constant sexual references. I'm not exactly sure why. Is it the air? The soil? What?!
b
I wonder how I will change with years to come. I hope for the better. I've just discovered a new relationship, a new person. I'm finding it rather difficult being with him. I wish relationships were easier. Apparently they're not. Or perhaps I'm still looking for a relationship where I can be truly peaceful and happy.
b
Why am I sharing these thoughts to the whole entire world?!