illuminate

Day 2 (Art Every Day Month)

2010-11-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

The Elements

(This picture contains all that I want most in my life,
and it was hugely therapeutic to do, yay!)

IT IS ART-EVERY-DAY MONTH!!! First post for November:

2010-11-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

Trinket detail

A Poyem named Ju jooo beee

2010-10-26T11:24:00.001-07:00

that same old restlessness
that same old familiar feeling
where will you take me my friend?
on to newer shores, vaster lands?
where i will discover new friends?
what new and exciting tidings do you bring with you?
who do you wish to introduce to me now?
i know you exist, that space of vast unfamiliar
that space that lies between the known and unknown worlds
a grey area, an unknown area, but one that exists all the same
is that where you wish to take me?
here i am waiting, anticipating
heck, i am taking
i am taking this new journey with you
you are exciting, a fresh breath of familiar
a divine overseeing, a divine under taking
a place, a person, a poopoo
love, love, LOVE to you!!!

Some wisdom, even if you don't like it

2010-06-11T02:45:00.001-07:00

We are acutely aware of our own humanity, but rarely of our divinity. What if we chose to pay more attention to the latter?

I have walked one way for a very long time. To change course does not take courage, it only takes willingness.

My first steps were preceded by the ones before them.

Pay attention, even to the smallest stillest voice that rises from the deepest depths of your silence.

Kindness can result from a mere change in perception.

A good idea can be worth more than all the dollars in the world.

A good bra can make you a better person.

*- more additions later -*

Cabbage soup

2010-05-24T13:53:00.001-07:00

Cabbage soup, ladies and gentlemen, can be prepared in a number of ways. You can do it clear, or creamy. With or sans mushrooms. Vegetarian or non. Just a beautifully bland vegetable that lends itself to the soup bowl easily without a sliver of protest. All you need is a good knife, seasoning and some liquid. Anything else is entirely optional. Nature is truly a brilliant artist. How on earth did she manage to create every single thing that goes into a well stocked kitchen? How did she realise that we would need pepper and salt, because cabbage soup simply cannot do without either? I mean how?! How did she know that the French will convert us all to their exclusive religion? (Here I shall interject: anyone who disagrees with the brilliance of French cuisine is a heretic). Lead me unto the altar (stove) dear lord, and I shall obey your command (my stomach growls) willingly!!

Ok, confession time. I am addicted to chillies. There, I said it..the truth is out! Even though I am quite devoted to my faith, I do it no justice by killing my taste buds everyday with hot peppers. I can't help it. I've been on it since I was a kid, thanks to my Telugu heritage. It is a beautiful thing though. But I will save my ode to the mighty green pepper for another day.

So back to cabbage soup. Noodles give it that certain je ne sais quoi to it..a certain chewy consistency. I owe this knowing to one of my very good friends who herself is an addict to cabbage soup. She also adds egg to it, which is quite delightful on the tongue, but in appearance it ends up as sad white things floating about in the mixture. But. Who cares if it tastes good - the proof of the pudding is in the slurping after all!

I will try out a few recipes (particularly those of a French persuasion) and put up the pictures. I also had a great idea for a Chicken steak (can you say steak?) recently...avec sauce chocolat, sound delightful? I thought so. May be you get to see that too, as a bonus. Perhaps it will be the main course. Et pour le dessert? Hmm...I was thinking of using the left over musk melon in the fridge and create a fruit sorbet perhaps. I wonder if anyone has ever made musk melon sorbet before. I could be the first.

Ok darlings, a tout! Et...bon appetit!!

Life is for the living / Self absorbed crappiness

2010-05-15T10:20:00.001-07:00

I am watching `Julie & Julia' and I am surprised that they actually mispronounced boeuf bourguignon. Incroyable!! You would think that they would have at least hired a few French speakers just to make sure.. especially when Meryl Streep is involved.

The movie (and I am just watching it) resonates with me. I too am at a time of my life when I am asking the question: really, what should I be doing?! Somehow, there is a part of me, a small voice that cries: I know you are going somewhere, and it is going to be reeealll goooddd..laughs (that little voice, inside).

Yeah. Real good. Some place nice, special, spectacular, great. In the movie, Julia's husband asks her: "what is it that you really like to do?". I asked myself the same thing, and of course the first answer was a bit..not that easy.

I chewed on it for a bit and the first thing - movies. And jewellery. Clothing. I love beautiful things, I cannot help it. I also love a good story. I always told ghost stories. Perhaps I should have been the first M.Night, but Shyamalan beat me to it. It's alright. Since he hasn't produced any big budget feature lately, I'm guessing the spot for supernatural superstar is still open. We'll see.

I used to like travelling until I realised how routine it can get. Leaning tower of Pisa? Check. Eiffel Tower? Check. The Empire State? Check. You get the idea...so travelling is out now. But films? Stories? Not out yet. I love telling stories. Especially when I get into the mood. I also love my time with friends, but how am I ever going to make that into a career unless I start a cool new restaurant/cafe or some other place to hang out at, that can't be made into an actual career. I even considered TV and the broadcasting business. But now my engine runs low for that. I can't be this big TV personality all the time. It can be very demanding, stressful and mad.

I'm even considering jewellery design, but not completely sure for now. I think something tells me: it's film, film, film. And music too. But that could go with the films I make. So yeah, film, film, ..

I am quite contemplative and think with a fair amount of clarity. But I cannot be a counsellor and listen to everyone's sob stories. It's too much. I tend to get involved and then it hurts.

I like: films, jewellery, clothing, friends, wine, cooking. In that order. A good film with a meal at a good party with friends is where it's at.

To be continued..

Music and Dance

2010-04-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

Here are some simple songs you can sing and dance to, just because you gotta!! Note: done better in small or large groups, but please don't let that stop you from prancing around naked in your living room (with the curtains drawn, please). And remember to clap after each line - it adds some rhythm to the mix.

"Dance if you want to, sing if you must. The beat's gonna get you, one day it will have to!!!"

Another simple one: "You gotta do the huppa huppa huppa dance - high note" Chorus (people shout): HUPPA!!! You gotta do the huppa huppa dance - low note" HUPPA!!!

p.s. after I created this one, I looked up `huppa' and it means Jewish wedding canopy. neat huh?! The word actually means something!!

Stuff I like

2010-04-03T23:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.imgspark.com/ (if you wish to create a `mood board')

http://www.colourlovers.com/ (create your own palettes!)

http://www.flushdesigns.com/ (wedding designs!)

http://www.oncewed.com/8384/wedding-blog/reception-tables/frida-table-trends-ii/ (a beautiful wedding)

http://www.colourlovers.com/wedding/blog/2010/03/29/fiesta-in-the-garden (more on the same wedding and a matching colour palette to go with it)

http://www.48hourslogo.com/ (if you want a logo designed for you in 48 hours or less! it's awesome)

http://bario-neal.com/bn/ (awesome jewellery)

http://www.suck.uk.com/ (some funky designer stuff)

http://www.colourlovers.com/blog/2007/08/24/color-inspiraton-from-coffee-and-tea

Everything

2010-04-02T23:19:00.000-07:00

I want to have..

The kind of energy that makes you want to kiss a stranger.

The kind of love that makes you want to take on the whole world.

The kind of life that makes you want to thank God each day for.

The kind of people that makes you want to shed tears for.

The kind of family that makes you feel like you're resting here on earth.

random bubblings

2010-03-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

cat: spider spit

(consumption of said creepy crawly occurred in bathroom today just as I was about to pee, and she saved my life by eating it, after I rushed out of course and ushered in the spidey terminator)

I don't want to be a part of your Universe, but you can be part of mine if you want to

do animal spirits produce mini ghosts that float about and can be captured via digital camera?

Alanis Morissette is my body double, just a cooler and (currently) richer version of me

let's fall in loooovee!!!

murder on the dance floor?! but why? how??

have you ever tried zooming in on insect life? the Universe is a pretty darned big place for those guys

sis is comin home today, yay! :D

This little itsy bitsy thing called life that is so small in comparison to the rest of this big damned universe

2010-02-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

A new post, after a really long time. Can't believe we moved into our new place in September, and now it's February, and we have to move AGAIN!! House owners are crazy. We're now planning to buy our own place..this way we can stick our finger up at any lessor and say nnyaaahhh!!

So anyway, I was thinking...will I ever feel comfortable enough, confident enough, loving enough, sexy enough, successful enough, besty enough, you know what I mean?! Like me, but just at very peak performance..and some how it just seems like such a far unreachable goal. There's always something to improve, some insecurity to battle, something to make more perfect. Aahh..and some times it's just all very exhausting to be so great. Perhaps it's just a matter of accepting one's own perfectly ordinary ordinariness?! I mean even that seems unreachable. In fact, I've kept changing what perfect means to me, and now perfect just feels like a state of comfort with one's own being, self acceptance. But even that seems too difficult to achieve. Relaxing is difficult. Can you believe that?! Or am I just a nutcase. Tell me I'm a nutcase so it becomes easier to accept myself.

And now all I can do is vent this feeling, for now. On a blog, on the internet so random people know me better, what does that ever do for one's soul I wonder.

In fact, venting is all that seems to give me any sort of relief in a day. It's the only thing that keeps me sane - "to tell my story" (InterPlay style). And as often as I possibly can, yes I indulge in verbal diarrhoea every now and then and I drive my mom nuts. She has to put up with all my crap, but if she didn't, I don't know whom else I could possibly confide in. I hope she realises the responsibility I've piled up on her. Is this unfair?! I don't care for now because it helps me stay alive and stay sane. A therapist would probably tell me to have more people I can trust and confide in, so can he/she find me some more friends please?!

And then, on a different note, here's my song to my future soulmate lover person:

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here

(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...

Sound familiar? It's a song called `Everything' by Alanis Morissette.

Cheers all

Some things

2009-09-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Poem
I must, I must, I must...
Yet, none of them feel right
None of them say to me:
I want, I want, I want!!

I know what I am wanting,
but looking at the wrong picture and sighing
Let me be with my dreams
Let me sleep here tonight,
And we will see what shall be in the morning

Perhaps I will not change
Perhaps I shall be swept away to some distant unknown land
Perhaps I shall be the same
Or perhaps, I will have a grin on my face
as I reach for the warm cookie in your hand :)

---
On dedication...

There is a difference between
creating for Source, and
creating for people.

One is like building a temple,
where you want to put in only the
most beautiful things for the
enjoyment of the Divine.

The other is where you do it
to meet the expectations of others,
and it never matches up.

Hence, dedicate this day,
your life, to the Divine, and
all will be well. All will be
magnificent. All will be
beautiful!

God Bless.
p.s. when I say "Divine" I mean...
That beautiful creative force that flows through you, when you feel "in the zone", when you feel happy doing what you are doing, Nature, God, Insane Orgasmic Bliss, Grace, Glory, Allah, whatever moves you, Joy!!!, perfection...you get it :)

SOA (State of Affairs) part 2

2009-09-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

So we're here now. In the spanking new house, and I really love it here. My mother for some reason has upped her nagging quotient, and I'm desperately trying to stay under the radar. As if that is going to work; I cannot hide out in my room forever. Pups are doing well, I've taken full charge of their feeding, care-taking, love-giving, everything. I like doing that anyway, I worry less and less about their jealousy and all that, now if only I can keep these two from climbing me and licking and kissing and scratching me...Rusky (so the older one now has a name) tickled me by climbing up my back, can you believe it?! Gotta love em.

So I'm bearing my soul out to the whole world, and this blog still has zero readers/followers, how is this possible?! No clue. Anyway, why I do this I cannot imagine. Some part of me desperately wants to be seen and noticed - how lame of me, yet how completely human and honest. So I find nothing wrong with this. The day somebody actually posts a "comment", may be then I will think about pulling these posts down, hehe. Until then, naked-blog-running-loose-on-the-internet does not bother me so much.

What else, my room now has a very warm and cosy reading corner, complete with beautiful lavendar incense holders and all that. I feel privileged. Really. Not even all the money in the world can give me as much happiness as gently putting in all those precious books I've collected over the years into their respective shelves. So I have: 1) a new copy of The Prophet (because the old one got pissed on by my ex-kittens, which I've now replaced, complete with old underlinings and scribbles, because I thought I might have put in something golden), 2) Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, 3) Love and Marriage by Bill Cosby, 3) Adrian Mole from Minor to Major (hilarious, I totally recommend this), 4) The Catcher in the Rye (don't judge me), 5) A Streetcar named Desire, 6) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, 7) Siddhartha Hermann Hesse, 8) Richard Bach (Illusions and Jonathon Living..), 9) The Little Prince by Antoine (I have it in English, don't ask me why), 10) Stand Still Like the Hummingbird by Henry Miller (simply awesome), and many, many lovable others. I've read many of these books twice.

I now spend most of my time in this corner, along with my laptop, my beloved books (I have some "love stories" stashed away in this hide out as well, hehe), drawing notebook, sketch pens (I'm doing a colour study, and I've gotten as far as discovering the colour palette of Nice!)..how can a girl move her ass out of here when she's this settled?!! Who needs men, yawnn...

So it's 1:14 in the mornin, and me thinks its time to hit the cotton (who knows what they put in there anyway), but I don't feel ready for bed. These days my routine is partially liked by me, and partially disliked by both me and the rents: start day at 12 pm (I don't like this either btw, if I had it my way, I'd make the sun wake up a bit later, and I'd be just in time for beautiful dawn), drag on till night 10 pm when I become most active, and then suddenly I hit fifth gear which goes on till about 2 am. My favourite times of the day: dawn (wish I was up for it) and 4 pm. There is something magical about 4 pm, and I still can't put my whole finger on it. Its the colour of the sky at this time mostly that makes it likable, and the way the sun streams in through the windows.

Alrighty yall, all you ghost readers out there. Leave a comment to let me know what you think.

Love,
Divs

State of affairs

2009-09-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

So yeahrrr...this post is just random ramblings really. Nothing great and mind-blowingly philosophical, none of that. Just random stupid stuff.

Ok, we're shifting house now, and the amount of small swallowable (wrong spelling?!) parts that we have just amazes me. How is it possible that four members of the family (plus or minus about 2-5 at any one moment) managed to collect so much of random shit over a period of 10 years?! honestly!!! its such a headache to sort out all the random papers, certificates, random random stupid things..ridiculous. I know one thing for sure, I build a house and I pretty much stay there. Put. That's it. No shifting wifting for me, and no accumulating random crap for me either. No sensible impulsive top of mind purchases any more. And if my kids want to buy random stupid plastic parts, I will make them degradable replicas out of wood of the same things. No kidding.

Ok so yeah, can you actually believe that romantic crazy me, who always was interested in a relationship, dreamed about the ideal "soulmate" for so often has finally stopped thinking about that?! I call this a victory, and honestly I would drink to that. If only I had 10 or so girlfriends (the gang I've always dreamed about but never had - cause I've always really had just one or two special, close friends, and they may be a guy or gay, doesn't matter), I would totally do this (drink to my victory I mean). I would drink to my getting over the endless worrying or fantasizing about this ideal guy. Ok.

Then. My puppies. I'm a little worried about them. I've already mothered so many people in my life (including my ex) that I feel like I have so much mothering experience that I don't even feel the need to have kids anymore. Really. One is a small crazy cute puggy looking thing, and the other is awesomeness incarnate. And awesomeness incarnate (cause we don't have a name yet)which is bigger (and older) is jealous of the smaller one. I thought - ok, the small one looks puggy and not more "attractive" (in the conventional sense) and was a little weaker so I paid more attention to it, and now the older one is suffering from self-esteem problems. Kids. What can you do. You try one parenting technique and then you skew them up forever. Shit. I hope they will turn out alright. Otherwise I will suffer from mother's guilt forever!!

So what else, what else. My face...strage canvas this. I've tried all kinds of things to bring it to that state of perfect complexion (not colour, I mean like smooth and nice, I don't know if there's any word for this), but it always beats me somehow. I've got combination skin, so products for oily skin make parts of my face too dry, and products that are for matte skin really stimulate my sebaceous glands. So yurghhh...its overall nice really, not complaining too much, but every now and then, I'm envious of good-skinned people. I am also envious of women with long legs, I hate them, but only a little bit. Other than that, I'm a girl who is pretty comfortable in her own body. Which I think is a gift in the times we live in. We live in times where our standards of beauty are pretty much fucked up (ok I don't want to really talk further about this).

My parents. I'm trying several childing techniques to be a better child, some are working, so that's good. I live with them, which makes it very weird for me because this is the time when I have to really be independent and really strike out on my own in the world, and at a time like this, there are bound to me many arguments, because I want somethings done my way, and they want it another way, and I totally understand, but I feel we'd all show a lot more love and respect to each other if I was doing my own thing and living by myself. What to do. I've told them that I'm going to live on the roof in my new house. They laughed. But I'm doing this partly for their sanity, and partly for mine. See how thoughtful I am.

So pups, new house, new living arrangement, hopefully better and better skin, a more comfortable me. I'm aging pretty gracefully I'd say. Loving life and its amazing contrasts. What can I say, I'm a lucky girl.

Cheers all.

The hidden connections

2009-08-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

I am becoming better in handling my own emotions in the aftermath of a tough event. What used to take me a very long time to get over, is now becoming easier to sail above. Not only do I now have more strength in times of turbulence, but with time I begin to see hidden connections that were not obvious to me before, when I was in the thick of things. The Abraham-Hicks teachings have provided me a lot of strength and courage, and more importantly hope, for a new day and more enjoyable life moments. There is wisdom in all difficulties and contrasts; everything truly happens for a reason, if we only care to look.

After an event passes me by, it is as if a veil of ignorance (which did not allow me to see these connections before) is lifted and I begin to see `the why' of things. There are so many people in the world who are in pain because they are unable to isolate themselves from their grief and do not rise up and make "the connections" - if they were able to see them and exercise understanding and compassion both with themselves and others, so much suffering could be avoided and life would be more in alignment with Source which is truly about joy and energy and creativity. I hope every body can stretch themselves and make the leap for the joy that is always so inherent in every moment of this life on earth!

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day"
- Johnny Nash

This modern life

2008-03-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

Our world is filled with ego-fuelled relics. Our world is full of ugly, grey/brown buildings. Our world is filled with traffic and smoke and people. Our world is polluted. Our world is toxic. Where are the birds and the animals?? I don´t see any anymore...Where have they all gone? I´m no longer entertained by this modern life. I am no longer entertained by glass covered architecture. I no longer see stability in our social structures. Everything is questionable. I am no longer entertained by television or movies. I am no longer entertained by discos or drinking. I am no longer entertained by populistic politics. I am no longer entertained by romance, the modern movie version of it. I am no longer entertained by fiction or reality. I am no longer entertained by the symbols that keep our society together..or apart.
b
I seek freedom. I thirst for flight. I seek nature and the sounds of birds and animals in the morning. I seek the fulfillment of dreams. I wish for energy from nature. I wish to build my own home with my own blood and sweat. I wish to till my own farm and reap the fruits of my harvest. I wish to be exposed to the vagaries of nature, and learn some true lessons of life. I wish to live like the red indian or the shaman, who only takes his lessons from the stillness he experiences within and outside. I am sick of our institutions, I am sick of the people and the games they play to win little favours. I wish to end this game to survive. Nature, my guru, my master. I wish to be united with thee.

The face of Pradeep is everywhere

2008-02-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

When I was interning at Auroville, the Mitra guest house where I stayed at had a guy named Raj* who would rent cycles, bikes and mopeds to the guests staying there, and his assistant/mechanic named Pradeep*. Pradeep is probably not more than 18 years old - dark, extremely thin, and always in a pair of dirty trousers and a hand-me-down t-shirt. Uneducated and innocent, he was always extremely faithful and dedicated to Raj as well as Mitra's warden, Sita* - doing little chores around the guest house whenever he was asked. He was quite polite to all the guests at Mitra, and even grew attached to anyone who showed a little affection towards him.
b
When you are in India, you become used to a host of people looking after you - servants, cooks, drivers, watchmen, and the odd kid who runs to the grocery store for you at the drop of a hat. We take this "servant" culture for granted. It was a hand-me down from the Brits who began the `aaya' system in India. Why haven't we learnt to let go of it and take care of our own chores? Labour is extremely cheap in India, and there are people who are willing to take little pay for such physically demanding work.
b
I wasn't able to be as friendly to Pradeep initially - even being a little wary of this boy - having been unconsciously conditioned to be wary of people from "lower classes". Then a German friend of mine asked - "why don't you teach him English in your spare time? the poor thing has probably never been to school, and it might do him some good?!". That suddenly changed everything for me. Bhaskar always called me `akka' (older sister) - may be I could be a real akka for him and take him under my wing to teach him a thing or two? I was actually capable of changing this boy's world, even if it only temporarily?
b
How many such Pradeeps exist in India?! Their backs toiling at an age when they should be playing with children of their own age and studying in school. Illiterate, abandoned, bastard children to call no one their own?! Why can't these children be considered our own children and taken care of in the right way? Why are they allowed to rot on the streets?! They could be subject to the worst treatment - verbal, physical, sexual abuse, child labour - this unfair life is something they were unwittingly born into for no faults of their own. They are in need of a word beginning with j and ending with an e: JUSTICE.
b
* Names changed to protect identity

Become The Sun

2008-02-15T14:21:00.000-08:00

The self contains the all illuminating brilliance of The Sun. We have but to look within to find all the glory, all the bliss that we seek every second of our being. This is our search. Our search for completion, for the feeling of ultimate fulfillment; ultimate happiness and salvation. And our answer lies closer than the breath we take.

b
Human beings constantly seek this fulfillment outside of themselves. In television, in a career, in a relationship, in the ultimate makeover, in husbands and mistresses, in Oprah, in Islam, in the Orthodox Christian Church, in Barrack Obama, in government, in misery, in children, in friends...the list is endless. Here is a quote of Aldous Huxley's: "One of the many reasons for the bewildering and tragic character of human existence is the fact that social organization is at once necessary and fatal. Men are forever creating such organizations for their own convenience and forever finding themselves the victims of their home-made monsters."
b
I don't intend to offend anyone's sincere quest for the truth here, but would merely like to quote once again a saying in Buddhism for those of you who still didn't get it: "if you see the Buddha, kill him!!!". What this merely means is that we cannot grow attached to anything in particular, however noble the path may be, because at a certain point we begin to identify more with this attachment than with the actual truth which resides within our being. As long as we use the tools of the outside world only as just that - tools to make us more aware of our inner truth - we are not in danger of losing our selves to them.
b
Desirelessness does not necessarily mean less sensitivity to the outside world, but rather, more of it. The truth unites every being in the universe, and it is impossible to remain unaffected by the miseries of the world we live in. Once we have discovered the inner truth, we begin to see it every where around us (even if it lies hidden beneath several layers!). And the more we begin to see it every where, the more we begin to be the drivers of positive change in the world we reside in. Now, quoting from Huxley's "Doors of Perception" essay:
b
Istigkeit - wasn't that the word Meister Eckhart liked to use? "Is-ness." The Being of Platonic philosophy - except that Plato seems to have made the enormous, the grotesque mistake of separating Being from becoming and identifying it with the mathematical abstraction of the Idea. He could never, poor fellow, have seen a bunch of flowers shining with their own inner light and all but quivering under the pressure of the significance with which they were charged; could never have perceived that what rose and iris and carnation so intensely signified was nothing more, and nothing less, than what they were - a transience that was yet eternal life, a perpetual perishing that was at the same time pure Being, a bundle of minute, unique particulars in which, by some unspeakable and yet self-evident paradox, was to be seen the divine source of all existence.
b
The cultivation of truth - for our soul is like a farm that needs to be tended to regularly - can begin with living a more authentic life. The soul always flows in the right direction - see where it takes you - often the best plans are the higher Divine plans that our conditioned brains can sometimes never even conceive of. In Buddhism, sitting meditation is often said to be the most effective way to discover the inner truth - Vipassana is an excellent technique recommended by the wise. In Hinduism, a treasure trove of techniques are said to exist - anything from Sanskrit texts/mantras to yoga, or even the Bhakti (devotional) or Jnana margas (path of wisdom). Reading the Zohar (Kabbalah) or following the Sufi way (by expressing love for the Divine), are all said to be (tried and tested) paths to the great Truth which often lay hidden from undeserving eyes.
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My friend, seek not to collect moons, which are mere reflectors of light - Seek to become the one and only Sun which radiates luminosity in every direction. The path may not be completely facile, but the reward is eternal light, and with it, eternal fulfillment.

A poem (V Day special)

2008-02-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

How can I express the depth
I find in our eyes
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How can I express the meaning
in our distance
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How can I express the bliss
in our convergence
b
How can I express
fully
everything I know
about every moment
when a circle comes into being

Image courtesy: www.3d-screensaver-downloads.com/

A confused Country and a conditioned Soul; the state of affairs in India today

2008-02-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

India has been at the helm of spiritual discovery for over five thousand years, long before many civilisations were yet to be born. And yet, today, the average Indian is not aware of even a single verse of The Upanisads. He/She is so occupied with the daily toil and trouble, and is blissfully unaware of the diamonds that lie beneath the physical surface of this great country. Our economists and policy makers are the most confused lot - unaware as to how they would be able to transform this heaving giant - leaking at her sides from unfixed sewers and the beads of sweat from the brows of labouring children. What kind of a curse is this, you may ask, that has put an entire country under a spell of ignorance?

All we are left with is the legacy of the old, the symbols of a glorious past - `Om's freely adorn our houses and tikas adorn our foreheads (said to be the doors of illumination), beautiful sacred geometric patterns decorate our courtyards, and Krsna is found to make his appearance more popularly on saris and as home furnishings than in the Bhagavad Gita. Daily existence is fueled by the need to survive, based on systems that barely coordinate. A typical life looks like this: baby -> gruelling school -> wasted college -> pointless I.T. job -> marriage and kids -> diabetes or high cholesterol related disease -> pointless death -> cycle continues through progeny. What makes the average Indian so bloody ignorant??!
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My appearance in this country is not any less of a mystery, and makes for a fascinating story. A country liberated from a western army is now in the throngs of hollywood films and is draped in denim fabric rather than khadi - our education has gone beyond `Convent' to the all exclusive `English-medium', as long as it delivers the necessary results. I myself was educated in an all English-speaking school. I would have to thank the stars that at least in my school we did not have a rule against speaking in our native language of Tamil (as some other schools did). Tamil is one of the oldest languages in the world, and is beginning to die in the hands of the present young generation, in the very state/province it first originated in. Middle and upper class Tamilians these days cannot talk Tamil without sprinkling a few English words in between!!
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I grew up on a steady diet of classical English literature and American poetry at school, and Archie comics, Nancy Drews, Enid Blytons, and (later) Hollywood movies and music from the Backstreet Boys, at home. Here was a girl, who had heard of the bravery of our `freedom fighters' more like a fantasy tale...patriotism was put into our heads more like an obligation, than as an understanding, waiting for the time when a generation grows older and does not find the need for it any longer (today Gandhi makes his appearance in Indian pop culture). My idealism stems more from literature I read written by American poets with liberal tendencies, than by the Indian freedom movement!
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We now are moved by Bollywood films and cricket more than by Bhakti movement poetry. This is the same land that was once home to Sufi saints and Hindu mystics alike. So many thousands embarked on the journey of their inner soul. So many awakened on the banks of the great Ganges that is now so polluted and choked with the toxic wastes of the present civilisation.
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Our solutions lie closer to the heart than we can ever imagine. Spirituality has to be brought into the Parliaments, and talked about with an ever increasing urgency and as the need of the hour. The solution for India does not lie in the western concepts of economic development. We have to seek higher solutions. Solutions that originate from a Divine mind, a Divine soul that is this country. We cannot expect to lay more roads and extinguish poverty. We need smaller communities, education within these communities, and an education that finds its foundations in spirituality and self-enquiry rather than on useless historical facts that are forgotten right after the students exit the exam halls. Solutions lay sprinkled in our past. The gurukula system, the smaller townships that were governed on a basis of Dharma, these are the symbols we need to adopt for today.

As for the individual...we cannot stop the influx of western materialism and idealogies, but we can instil in our young minds, the greater spiritual secrets that have been opened up and laid bare in the recent centuries. When a solid foundation is in place, it is difficult to shake it, in spite of any kind of external disturbances. We have to teach our children to follow their hearts and Divine guidance, rather than listen to people who talk from their selfish egos. We have to cultivate in them an independent attitude and the thirst for truth, rather than a conformist attitude and dependency on conventional thinking. This is the solution for the `modern' Indian society and today's `modern' Indian individual. Old is indeed Gold, but can be flexed to be adapted to provide solutions for the New.

Me, my path

2008-02-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

I feel so far away from unity consciousness. One of the marks of an enlightened being is to feel one with the Universe, and feel love and compassion for every one and every thing. I think I've only covered about 10 steps on this ladder.

However, altruism no longer feels like an alien concept to me. I really have begun to feel real responsibility for a lot of issues in this world - poverty and ignorance being a huge one, beginning with my own country.

Money still seems to pose a bit of a challenge for me - me being afraid as to how I would survive in this world, if I do not have the proper devices to earn money.

I find much comfort in anonymity, often afraid to approach people and to ask them even for small favours. I do not know why I am this way. I have to admit that I am more introverted than extroverted, although when the situation calls for it, I can be very extroverted. So I swing between extremes sometimes. I can be extremely melancholic - but people can make me very happy. I wonder why am I this way?

In any case, I at least have a 1 year plan as to what I want to do with my life, beginning with travelling and then teaching - clearly not money-making ventures...but let us see what surprises this Universe could bring us!

Call to build a new world

2008-01-31T04:13:00.000-08:00

We are on the brink of change. Our old ways, our old habits, the old controlling forces, have to make way for new ways, new habits and the Divine Force. It is time for us to leave behind the rat race, and build a world which is based not on money or individual gain, but on love and the Divine Will.

Look around you; observe the life you live. What do we see? It is a vicious cycle of production and consumption. The whole life seems to have been spent standing in one long queue. After you are born, you are placed in a sterile, plastic environment, given all the shots you require, given your social security number and then dropped onto the conveyer belt of hell - you will then be processed in the education machine to become a good worker, a good father, a good so-and-so. You pay all your taxes, you pay the interest on your credit card (laying down, without a word of protest), you allow your hard-earned salary to be dropped into a bank account, and all the necessary deductions are made automatically. You then proceed to walk into a huge "H & M" to pay for garbage boring clothes just to fit into the already conformist society. There is not even a pigeon hole of space for creativity. You follow store policy, you follow bank policy, you follow the government policy. H&M then pays your salary. You earn money for them (these corporate fat cats), and then forced to pay money for their own garbage. Everything is sub-standard and boring, and you accept it. Where is the room for individual creativity?! Even the government supports this kind of sub-standard living - as long as you pay the taxes, you are fine. Why don't you ever hear any interesting government policies?! Why doesn't your government support disabled children or old age homes?! Why are they more interested in supporting the industrialists?! They give you the standard excuse - the industrialists are the ones giving the jobs - but it is also the industrialists who set the rules and steal your freedom. It is the same industrialists who gobble up the small businesses and do not allow for creativity.

99.98% of the society is composed of conformists. 0.01% are the controllers, and the remaining 0.01% are the rebels. The rebels of course are the so-called "greenies" and "activists" who are really just ranting and raving about nothing really. As long as the rest of society is conformist and is happy to have their sub-standard lives, then the rebels will continue to lose, and all that they are fighting for will just sound like noise. Once you wake up, once you decide to live life by different rules, that is the day that the corporate fat cats and the government will give you the hardest time ever. You will have to come face to face with an ugly system that is based on all the old laws - they will not want the change because they want to continue to survive - and you will have to fight them to make way for the change. It will be a hard and tough struggle, but in the end, you will have at least made the way for the new world. The old powers will realise that people no longer want to just merely survive - they want to live and breathe good air, they want creative products and generous sharing of knowledge and resources. No one wants to hold onto their things any more and are willing to live for a united world, and not for their individual selfish egos.

The greenies and rebels will not be alone. Join them in their fight. Choose decisively - what is most important to you?! What is most important to this world, not just for your stomach, but for the whole world? Fight on this side. Don't be a conformist any longer. It is time to wake up and smell the polluted air, and time to make a change.

There is a solution to disarm the existing economy. It is a guerrilla strategy. Do not try to grab their dirty money. Instead, don't have any utility for that money. Create a parallel economy. Support green businesses, support smaller, more creative businesses, support systems which are based on sharing and not surviving. Take away the control and power from the large powers that be, and give it to the smaller, more angelic forces. By doing this, you will be shifting the power to more Divine hands. Slowly, we can disarm our `enemies', and transform this world from the bottom up. Every drop in the ocean counts, and no effort is a futile effort. What is more important is that you realise it is time for a change, and live life differently from henceforth. Here is a good way to begin: click on the website below and calculate your personal ecological footprint; then look at the Take Action calculator, and see how you can make green lifestyle changes -

http://www.earthday.net/footprint/index.asp

Next. Join a sustainable community. I truly do believe that sustainable communities can pave the way to a new world. When you keep things smaller, you tend not to destroy and deplete more of the planet's resources. You will not be relying on ugly large industries for unsustainable things such as plastics, and unsustainable sources of energy. You will be supporting your own local farm produce, and the local economy (small and medium sized enterprises). Take a look at the following communities (there are more, but these are the only ones I am aware of):

www.auroville.org

www.findhorn.org

If you haven't noticed already, but many of these sustainable communities and "eco-villages" have a spiritual foundation. This is part of the new universe that we have to build - the spiritual is not some how alienated from the real. Spiritual life and real life are intertwined and cannot exist without one another. It is only when one does not have a spiritual existence, that one feels depressed and devoid of any life. All of the health problems - both physical and psychological, can be traced back to the old industrial way of living - which does not have any roots in the spiritual at all. When you lead a more conscious existence, aware of the Divine Energy which every single cell and atom is vibrating with, it is then that you begin to lead a healthier life as well. Changing our old habits is the hardest thing. I find this true even with myself. I am seriously contemplating vegetarianism, and making lifestyle changes - even I possess a poverty consciousness which I have to change if I have to live in an economy that is based on sharing and generosity and working for what we enjoy. But, we have to begin now. 2012 is not far off.
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Come, let us build a new world.

Unleash the God Within

2008-01-20T00:04:00.000-08:00

The human being is condensed matter. It’s source is light, and to light it must return.

Light -> Matter (physical body) -> Light

Vallalaar got the formula right (“jyothi ul jyothi ul jyothi”) – but his means to achieve the transformation to pure light was not successful.

The number 6 is very significant. While most people consider the number 7 to be important, what is important is that there are 3 above, 3 below, and the one in the middle which helps to anchor the 6. Thus, we can form the vajra within us. The central portion is the heart chakra, the 3 above are represented by the upper part, and the 3 below are represented by the lower part. While most people give great significance to the higher chakras, believing that it is our (slow) rise to the highest chakra from the lowest chakra which is important – I am completely against this theory.

I believe the heart chakra to be the most important chakra. We can compare this to the Bhakti chapters of the Bhagavad Gita which anchor the 2 other margas (paths) which occur at the beginning and the end of the Gita.

The seven "heavens" are within the human. Thus we have three gradatory heavens that lie above us, and three gradatory hells that lie below us, transformational/transitional heavens that lie to the right, and transformational/transitional heavens to the left. This is how we form the four pronged vajra, with us at the centre…

Once you understand that the four pronged vajra is a dynamic figure, and not a static one, you find that you form a circuit – it is a wheel which spins.

The secret is to realise this; that the entire Cosmos lies within us (when you multiply to infinity, you realise the cosmos within). We create the universe we live in – and everything that lies within it. If you had all the gods within you – the creative aspect of Brahma, the preserving aspect of Vishnu, the destructive aspect of Shiva, and so on, then you have all the power of the gods bestowed upon you. The fragile human being is now converted to the power of the very Brahman himself. The realization of this truth, the realization of the power of the gods within us, is our climb towards ultimate spiritual realization. We must build all these aspects of our consciousness within us, step by step.

We also have the power of demons within us. However, the avatar of the human being, is the central avatar – the avatar of the heart. He has to make great realizations on the level of the heart chakra. His ascent to the heavens, is his preparation to make his next avatar as a god. Thus, we have to rise above us, as we have already realized the demons within us. However, when the final ascent is made, our transformation becomes complete to include all aspects within us. If we are indeed all of the creative manifestation, we also include the demonic powers – we realise the whole of creation within us, and we calmly accept it all. We are the eternal Purusha in all his splendour – the vishwa-roopam.

As Buddha is usually depicted – with eyes neither wide open, nor completely closed – neither completely closed to the creative manifestation, nor completely embroiled and caught up in the manifestation – he is the calm seer, not taking part in it, but not outside of it – he views all with wisdom and acceptance.
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Sources (images and some content):
http://www.pastlifetherapy.org/article.html

http://image03.webshots.com/

http://what-buddha-said.net/Pics/

www.khandro.net/images/

The Frail Human

2008-01-19T23:57:00.000-08:00

I have reached the point, at the very abyss, the point where all points meet and collide, when I can finally draw up my sleeves and declare my conclusions.

The human being is the most confused being I have known in my 23 years of existence on this planet (if the assumption is that I indeed exist on a terrestrial plane and within the framework of a linear time scale). “It” is never consistent – and is slave to everything and nothing at the same time (I have used the neuter gender here in order to avoid all references to any sort of superficial aspects that differentiate one from another). It is slave to its mental, physical, psychological, spiritual being; and is master of them all, for it is never consistent to any one facet of itself. It is this very fact that drives one another crazy – the lack in consistency in behaviour, thought, action and being. It is this very nature that also occupies the majority of space in their lives and gives it its unique colours.

It is these multi factors which each choose to rear their heads at the most unexpected of times, and which contribute to the often unpredictable circumstances which human beings find themselves in. I must also state, here, that it is this reason why it is said that human beings choose their own destiny. The majority of the circumstances in their lives were of their own choosing – their joys and worries, their hopes and tragedies, almost all of them have been derived from their own nature – and from the collision course that they inevitably subject themselves to, when they decide to take up this journey. How brave this creature is – to take up this arduous journey? In spite of every type of circumstance, it continues to exist and continues to be. I admire the courage of the human being.

Like artists, we all pick up our brushes at the beginning of each life time, and use different colours to paint different hues. The canvas cannot be created unless there are hues to play with. Some may paint in mono colour, rather unusual, but most choose to paint anyway. Some choose to live a rather passive life, while others are filled with deranged emotions, and others choose to be so involved in one activity that they are happy to pursue it for the rest of their lives and believe it to be their sole redemption.

In truth, every thing is completely useless. Whatever actions are undertaken in this lifetime are more of a time pass than anything else. Karma seems more like a threat than truth. In all eventuality, every being will die; and even if it is reborn, it will die again! Death is the goal of life, and life is the goal of death.

This is why I find such great utility in laughter. When you laugh, you are not doing anything useful. It keeps you happy and light. It does not help you assume such grand conclusions that you are the sole saviour of this world. When you laugh, you have no responsibility, no worry, no anxiety, no unhappiness. When you laugh, you forget your ego, your existence, and all you are aware of is the pleasant feeling running through you.

Keeping in mind the nature of the human being – perhaps it is with this knowledge that we can also forgive. Every one is inconsistent in their behaviour, and every one is in the learning process. Even after much learning, it is still possible that they commit mistakes. So, we learn to be compassionate. Like a child who makes mistakes in its homework, similarly, were we God, were we the creator of this frail being, we can forgive, for it is our own creation – our own peculiar creation – like the puppy that falls about and breaks everything while it is young – and we forgive easily. Here I quote Bob Marley – “every man was a baby once”. And so forgive, forget, laugh it off, and accept your own inconsistencies, as you would others’ and live life with a song in your heart.

23

2007-10-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

The number 23 is everywhere eh?! Well it was there yesterday too. So here is a post to commomerate the supreme day of October the 3rd.

Life is getting simpler. I am beginning to realise that the Truth is not complicated. It is simple, easy to access and right here in the present moment. All our efforts are only aligned to reveal this simple Truth unto ourselves...but once it is tasted, there is no going back.

I am happy. I am tasting true happiness, after so many years. There is not much more I can say other than Thank You. Gratitude and enjoyment of the present moment, this is all we can, we must, and we need to do effectively.

I awake and I rise!

Aham Brahmasmi

Om Shanti Om

What the fuck is Brahman?

2007-09-23T20:09:00.001-07:00

Pardon the language, but it was for effect. Yes, truly, "what the fuck is Brahman"?!

Brahman is you, Brahman is me.
Brahman is here, Brahman is naught.
Brahman out, Brahman in.
Break the seed, in between he is.
Brahman is the seed, the space in between and in between that.
Brahman littly, Brahman vastly.
Brahman insane and chaos
Brahman the vast understanding silence.
Brahman idiot
Brahman ignorant
Brahman Wise
Brahman serious
Brahman play
Brahman nothingness, Brahman everythingness.
Brahman All, Brahman Nall.
Brahman inhale, Brahman exhale.
Brahman seer, Brahman seen, Brahman sees the seer.
Aham Brahmasmi

Wisdom of the Upanisads

2007-09-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

I feel gifted to be at Auroville, simply because I have a chance to access the wisdom of the Upanisads at the Savitri Bhavan every Wednesday. Finally, I am gaining a clearer understanding about existence, the reason for existence and our relationship to "God".

The Isha Upanisad is one of the most startling and most direct of all Upanisads in terms of the understanding of the Universe and our evolutionary rise towards Ultimate consciousness.

All that is, is for the habitation of the Lord (first line of the Isha). The Kingdom of God is within you and all about you.

Sri Aurobindo talks about two "descents" that resulted in all of creation. The Kabbalah has a very similar doctrine with regards to our fall into ignorance and our slow rise upwards. There is a subtle connection. In the Kabbalah, man was already in existence (frolicking in the garden of Eden) after which he fell from Grace. According to Sri Aurobindo, the descent was what brought the whole of creation into being - there was the Word, and then were the [first descent] and the [second descent] and all came into being.

The Vedas and the Upanisads are not meant just for a mere philosophical understanding of Creation, but it is much deeper than that - they are actually a platform, a literal "bridge" into greater understanding. They literally take you that much closer to the Lord as you read and understand them. The Sanskrit alphabet carries with it greater vibrations - it is, as it was put by one Sanskrit textbook, the "language of the Gods". It is an experiential understanding, more than an intellectual understanding. I say so, because I feel it myself.

My very first post in the blog - "My theory of Unified Consciousness", I believe contains perhaps at least a subtle form of the Truth as present in the Upanisads, if not an accurate picture.

All is Brahman. All is for the enjoyment of the Brahman. Surrender to the Divine Will. Enjoy creation. Aham Brahmasmi - "I am Brahman".

Unity Consciousness

2007-07-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

If you are not already aware of the concept of "memes", do check out this video to know more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzGjEkp772s&mode=user&search
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In one of my posts last year, I spoke about human beings being the only living creatures on Earth capable of conscious thinking. Now I will contradict myself in saying that what differentiates us from other living species is not conscious thinking, but our memes. We all believe in different memes - memes of religion, family, growth, the future, politics, and so on. These are the things that both separate us, and unite us ("us" as in us, the homo sapiens). We are not truly conscious just because we hold a certain ideology, or follow a certain religious thought - we are merely infected by a "meme". True conscious thinking does not separate us from other beings, but unites us. Every thought/belief/feeling can move us that much further from another being. Just because a person belives his Allah is higher than your Ram, does not mean he is made of different stuff from you - the same cells, the same living matter gives him his breath, as it gives you yours. We need to throw away our memes - they are mostly useless unless they enable us to share more, give more of ourselves to other beings. We must subscribe to a much higher sensation than our memes which are mere products of our own consciousness emanating from this dimension/planetary level - our "mayic/mayan" stories (illusory thinking).
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAvNlh2Z0GI&mode=user&search
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We must be aware of a dangerous disease that infects many today. Something I call spiritual elitism. Spiritual elitism is the phenomenon of feeling higher up on the spiritual evolutionary scale than others. It is so easy to succumb to this disease. Some of the symptoms are the feeling of a dire need to "convert" others, looking down upon "non-believers", etc. Spiritual elitism is linked to some of the memes you hold closest to your heart - and hence you have to be the most careful with them. Had Buddha been a spiritual elitist, Angulimala would have never been transformed. We have to extend our love unconditionally, even to the murderers and sinners in our society. Nobody gets left behind!!
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It is one thing to think we are all united, it is another to feel that we are united, and yet another, to "know" that we are united. Perhaps it is this awareness which the great buddhas call enlightenment. When Aurobindo felt he saw Krishna in everyone, I believe he had reached this sense of unity.
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I recently realised what Osho was talking about when he said that two lonely souls when united cannot make the other one feel better --> loneliness + loneliness does not = fullness! When both are ready to take from the other, empty vessels aching to be filled up, how can they ever share and feel full?! This was the problem with my previous relationships. I have to give in order to receive. We (the human species) are all the same, wanting to know the same truth, we must reach out and share.
b
The reason I was feeling depressed recently was that I got caught up in my own problems/my own dark thoughts/I, me, mine. This kind of ego-centric thinking only leads to more misery. It is like getting entangled in a spider's web - you go deeper into the never-ending dark tunnel. The only way out is to think in terms of compassion - reach out to other people - the more you help others come out of their traps, the less you focus on yourself. The problem of "I" then miraculously dissapears.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5cZITQDTrE&mode=user&search
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Ask yourself, what are the memes that separate you from others? If there is someone who believes in a meme contradicting your own, then your meme separates you from that person. How many degrees are you away from the person sitting next to you?
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Picture credit: Artist Monica Stewart

St Therese, the little flower

2007-07-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

Devotion. It has been a long time since I used that word, and I finally have found the occasion to use it. I have never admired a person, living or dead, to be moved enough - never found myself a devoted fan or ardent admirer, up until recently. For the first time in my life, I can say for certain, that I am devoted to St Therese of Lisieux. To clarify things, I am not a Catholic, neither am I a christian of any other denomination. My love for her is simple and not religious.

My connection to her began in the very first weeks of my arrival in Lyon. I was on a touristic round of the sights of the town - and the Cathedrale St Jean was one of my stops. This cathedral is not very inspiring - it is quite dark inside, and frankly the energy is not very uplifting. But on the right hand side, very near the main altar, is an alcove which pays homage to St Therese. A beautiful white statue of her with outstreched arms seemed to literally call out to me. A smell of flowers, her pictures, and her prayers, moved me very near to a state of spiritual bliss. I felt sweet and happy inside. Her remains are not actually kept there I believe, but there had been a passage of her relics throughout Lyon with the Cathedrale being one of the stops. No matter, but her strong loving energy seemed to radiate from that place. I could feel the love - from a person who has been dead for almost 80 years!

This is the only explanation I can give for my devotion to her. What I feel inside my heart; I am moved by her love.

She died at a very young age in her hometown in France, at the mere age of 24. Her faith and love towards the Divine was described as "spiritual childhood". She often talked about using simple words to talk to god - fancy prayers weren't needed if they didn't come from the heart (she disliked the rosary and was even reported to have fallen asleep during community prayers). She believed the intention was more important than the very act itself.

"I have not the courage to force myself to seek beautiful prayers in books; not knowing which to choose I act as children do who cannot read; I say quite simply to the good God what I want to tell Him, and He always understands me."

- Story of A Soul, Chapter X

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"Prayer is, for me, an outburst from the heart; it is a simple glance darted upwards to Heaven; it is a cry of gratitude and of love in the midst of trial as in the midst of joy! In a word, it is something exalted, supernatural, which dilates the soul and unites it to God. Sometimes when I find myself, spiritually, in dryness so great that I cannot produce a single good thought, I recite very slowly a Pater or an Ave Maria; these prayers alone console me, they suffice, they nourish my soul."
- Story of A Soul, Chapter X

"The science of loving, yes, that’s the only kind of science I want. I’d barter away everything I possess to win it"

- Story of a Soul, Ms B, Knox translation

"The good God does not need years to accomplish His work of love in a soul; one ray from His Heart can, in an instant, make His flower bloom for eternity..."
- VI letter to her sister Celine

Here is an interesting excerpt I found from the following webpage - http://www.littleflower.org/learn/faq.asp#1

How did St. Therese become known as the "Little Flower"?
St. Therese loved nature, and often used the imagery of nature to explain how the Divine Presence is everywhere, and how everything is connected in God's loving care and arms. Therese saw herself as "the Little Flower of Jesus" because she was just like the simple wild flowers in forests and fields, unnoticed by the greater population, yet growing and giving glory to God. Therese did not see herself as a brilliant rose or an elegant lily, by simply as a small wild flower. This is how she understood herself before the Lord - simple and hidden, but blooming where God had planted her.

Therese believed passionately that Jesus was delighted in his "little flower", and just as a child can be fascinated by the grandeur of a simple flower, she believed that Jesus was fascinated by her as his "little flower". Therese understood that she was just like the tiny flower in the forest, surviving and flourishing through all the seasons of the year. Because of God's grace, she knew that she was stronger than she looked. Following the Carmelite tradition, Therese saw the world as God's garden, and each person being a different kind of flower, enhancing the variety and beauty which Jesus delighted in. When various people tried to explain her powerful inspiration and her place within the Church, it always seemed to come back to one title "The Little Flower".
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In her autobiography, she beautifully explains this spirituality:

"Jesus set before me the book of nature. I understand how all the flowers God has created are beautiful, how the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy. I understand that if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers. So it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. He has created smaller ones and those must be content to be daisies or violets destined to give joy to God's glances when He looks down at His feet. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be."

Just before her death, St Therese proclaimed that she would continue to shower roses from heaven. She believed her life on earth to be a blessing and could not imagine if heaven would be better, because she realised god in this dimension itself, and there was nothing more left for her to do, but to continue loving the Divine. This is a simple and wonderful philosophy and encourages us to love the divine energy right here and now and not wait for some sort of heaven or salvation in the future to be happy. Present moment, wonderful moment!

If it may interest you to know more about her, you might consider reading her autobiography - "Story of a Soul". May St Therese's love and devotion continue to radiate from heaven and fill our life with blessings and hope. Hope your life will be filled with love and blessings.

On leaving the scene, and some fundamental lies (and truths) exposed

2007-05-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with stand up comedian Dave Chappelle? The guy's awesome - he's got wit like the edge of a sword. In the summer of 2005, amidst a flourishing career, and at a time when he enjoyed huge popularity, he literally left the scene - fleeing to South Africa to contemplate life and career. I completely sympathise with him...and I'll admit, that even though I'm not going through any of the career-related stress or natural pressures associated with celebritydom, I still feel the need to flee modern life. It's given me everything, and given me nothing, and now I feel the need to escape. I feel like doing a bike ride across India - just the way Guevara did with his friend across South America (all I need is a crazy idiot friend who says "fuck, let's do this"). I need time out, I need space, I need freedom, I need a breath of fresh air, I need to see myself more clearly. I'm feeling suffocated by people, suffocated by my own thoughts, suffocated by the pressures associated with just having to do this or that, because people tell you it's the right thing to do.

Here are some fundamental lies and truths exposed (of so-called "modern living"):

1. Nobody knows shit. Really. If they tell you they know the way, they are bullshitting you. The way is for you to discover, and not for them to tell you what it is.

2. You have to have a family, a great career, a house, the farm, the chicken, the ducks, the whole wackamazoo...to feel happy. Truth is, before you know it, you'll be swimming in a lot of chicken shit, and you will still not have discovered true happiness.

3. Everybody has their weakest link - a point of insecurity by which you can pull them down. But then that would be an insult to humanity. It would be inhuman because it is the one aspect which connects all of us irrespective of how accomplished we are in life, how popular, or beautiful...we all have an Achilles heel. But instead of bringing the other person down, we have to cultivate an attitude of understanding. Did it sting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to brush your wound. Understand and walk away, don't stand there allowing them to hurt you further, because an insecure person can also be a dangerous person, dangerous to your feelings that is.

4. Everybody knows that deep inside of it all, they are empty. Remember The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger?:

"I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind.... It may be the kind where, at the age of thirty, you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know."

"This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started."

~ Chapter 24, spoken by the character Mr. Antolini

Why is everybody pretending so much? Do you know just how easy it is to tell somebody (it could even be the head of your country) - you are worthless, your life is worthless, and do you know just how quickly they would be prepared to believe you? There are so few among us who believe their life has this strong purpose and they were meant to do something incredible. Anything which you undertake to do solely for yourself (or your ego, to be more specific) or your progeny is bound to be an egotistical exercise which doesn't give you very much satisfaction at the end of sixty years of your life. So admit it, be honest to yourself, and say it with me - we are all completely worthless! The only worthy act in the world is to love, and to love completely - it is all we are useful for. We are all walking around with a vacuum, and instead of filling it up with junk, we can accept it as our natural phenomenon, and go on to do what we can do best - love.

5. Do everything chronologically - be raised (conditioned) by your parents and teachers, educated by an ignorant society and by an even more ignorant formal educational system, find a job, have a family, have children, grow old, contract diabetes, you know the rest of the story. Well, it's all bullshit - don't you have a mind of your own? Did you ever think that it might be a good idea to do the thinking yourself? You know what society teaches you? It teaches you to be lazy. It teaches you, that if you do not break away from the mold, you will be punished. That is what you are conditioned with from childhood - you deviate, you will get slapped, you do something in a different manner, you're a freak...now it's time to set the records straight. All your life, you have been told what to do. What is the good thing, what is the right thing. At some point, if you truly think about it, you have to make a decision, to break away. Don't do what they tell you is good for you - do only what will really make you happy - the kind of happiness that comes from the deepest part of you - only you know what is truly good and right for you.

So have the courage...Fly!

6. The best thing in life happens to you when you least plan for it. It comes from a place of borderless innocence and wide-eyed surprise.
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I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it.

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 1

Now I have to follow my own advice. For the first time in my life, I realise I'm an adult. My parents are not stopping me, society does not stop me. There are absolutely no barriers, and if there are any, they are only in my mind. For the first time in my life, I have to make the decisions myself, for myself. And it is so scary. The scariest thought on earth in fact. That I am completely responsible for my own upbringing and my choices from here on. I'm on my own. The real question is - what the heck do I do? Which is the way? This is my life, and there is no beaten path for me to follow. I have to chart my own course...draw my own map, and follow my own directions. Crazy, I wish I was better prepared for this moment. Dealing with uncertainty should be a habit, a way of life, instead it is something you think about only when you actually leave home...and some don't even get to that point where they have to think for themselves. We are so busy building our good fences that we never realise we are only trapping ourselves with the certainty wall we are so carefully building to protect ourselves.

Come, my friends,

'T is not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho

'We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

- Tennyson, Ulysses

Self-cencorship and the need to live

2007-05-25T06:59:00.001-07:00

I believe that we are constantly censoring ourselves - we are our own Moral Police. Judging ourselves constantly, we correct ourselves before we even begin to speak a sentence. For how long can this last? For how long will we live like the donkey tied to a tree by an invisible rope, not believing itself to be free?

I do it all the time. I will be the first to admit to being guilty of this crime. I want to live fully and stop censoring myself. It is a challenge when you are afraid that your "free living" might end up hurting someone in the process..

We are asleep for as long as we belive in the illusion of this existence which covers eternal truth like a layer of clouds, and it is in this haze that we exist: we live, we breathe, we die. And our duty is to merely uncover it.

Be warned: at some point you are bound to go mad. This is normal. You will question everything - from the meaning of your life, to the meaning of your soul and the universe, and everything and anything - and then you will become dull and enter insanity, it is bound to happen. But what you must not do is lose hope - because this hope is the instrument that will carry you through, above and beyond the darkness and then suddenly you will enter light, and you will be clear.

All we can and must truly do to the best of our abilities, is to love. Completely!

As this moment

2007-05-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

I am as insignificant as this moment, this silence
I am as significant as this moment, this silence
In this moment I sleep, I wake
In it I breathe, I sigh
In it I live, I die
In it I am eternal, extinguished
Forever more, and no more
I am, not.

Stukin the insanity of the aftermath

2007-05-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

I’m stukin the insanity of the aftermath
The decisions I made lying around like leaves after a storm
Uselessly drying away until they join the dust.
Like everyone else my mind is laid to waste
And so I wait to quench my thirst, my unquenchable thirst.
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I’m stilled by all that surrounds me
Yet words in my mind fly around like insects on a busy summer’s day
Annoying me as they buzz in my ear, reminding me of work to be done.
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What strange new paraphernalia can I add to this planet?
What new inventions to cure new diseases?
With no new words to soothe my soul, I kiss this afternoon too goodbye.

The mangled mind

2007-05-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling like there are a thousand noises inside my head, all at the same time. My handwriting is different (I observed, today, that my hand was weaker than usual), which is a strange phenomenon as they say that it is a strong indicator of your personality amongst other things.

I'm feeling exhausted and out of breath. I feel like doing other things; and I feel like I'm wasting my time here. I feel incredibly impatient, and don't know how I will ever be able to stick to a regular job like most folks. I'm afraid of losing my way, and I'm praying harder than ever to stick to the path.

I'm grateful for all that I've been given, but I'm still looking for something more. What is it?

A Child of the Universe

2007-05-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have just begun reading Henry Miller. Fascinating fellow, with a very simplistic view of the world. I have already began to form a literary trail (the phenomenon that occurs when you find yourself picking up books which contain links to one another - a reflection of the fact that you are often interested in the same ideas). From Herman Hesse's `Siddhartha', to echos in Lin Yutang's `The Importance of Living', and Osho...words of Miller merely resonate the same sentiments and philosophy of the authors/spiritualists I have just mentioned.

Miller urges quite the same thing as Osho - stop attaching yourself to any particular goals, and live free. Be a bird, fly! This universe will provide everything, and there are no limits to what you can do and be. Everything else (pain, suffering, joy) are just makings of your own mind.

How I wish I could let go, and leap off the cliff that holds me back! How I wish it were as simple as saying it! How I wish I believed in Miller and Osho so much more, that I did not restrain myself! I feel like a horse that has all the power to gallop for miles and miles, but has instead bridled itself to a weak stupid wooden post. Constraints of having to make a living, feeding my stomach, worries of the future - these are what hold me back. These have shaped themselves into my leather saddle, resting heavily on my back.

If Osho could do it, if Eckhart Tolle could do it, then why not me? What am I so afraid of, and who am I waiting for to give me an assurance? I cannot rely on my father for financial support - it is far too shameful. Is financial support the only kind I look for? What about other kinds of support which I unknowingly seek? Emotional, mental, spiritual...How can we truly liberate ourselves, and live without attachments?

If we are truly children of this universe, and made in the likeness, the very image of God, why can't we be free? I want to be free.

My veils of ignorance

2007-04-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

I discovered that everytime I entered clarity, I would become aware of it, uninnocent, that my ego came into play, and I entered ignorance again.

I am playful, innocent, then aware of this innocence, and thus I became serious again.

Laughter begins, awareness of laughter happens, and sadness sets in.

The secret is to laugh without ego, live without seriousness, and be without being.

The Upanisads contain the secrets of the eternity, the infinite. You can never be only spiritualist and be whole, never be materialist and be whole. One has to be all, all-encompassing. Everytime you begin to isolate parts of yourself, you break yourself into pieces, thus leaving no room for wholeness to take place. Embrace all the nonsense - be aware of it, and it dissapears into the whole. It becomes engulfed by the vast infinite, there is no room for only it to exist.

I recently understood just how serious I had become, after I met someone. It was a stark contrast - dark appeared darker against the light. I became envious of the laughter, the joy, the simplicity of just being completely in the moment and not dwelling in the past or concerning oneself too much with the future. I realised how possessive I had become, how much I wanted to hold onto a person. And all this while, I had imagined that I was on my way to spiritual A+!! True love happens when there is complete freedom; where there is fear and jealousy, there is no love.

Now I have to begin again...back to square one. I have to `neti, neti' - negate, negate - negate all that is not necessary, and dissolve into The Infinite.

The relationship with my country

2007-03-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

I am 22 years old, and in the last 6 years, I have lived in 5 countries (including my own), and travelled to 6 others. The continents I'm yet to visit are Africa, Australia and South America. For nearly 5 years, I haven't lived in my country for longer than 6 months. So the question of the relationship with my country must truly be a curious one.

Do I love India?

Do I hate India?

Do I not care either way, whether I live there or not?

Do I love India, but would like to live elsewhere?

Would I rather live in another country?

Will I return?

What do I feel about her? This grand country, older than time itself, seasoned by many saints and wise men and women, peppered by different regimes - kings and princes and princesses, who is this woman? I am miniscule in comparison to the grandeur of her history, her wisdom, and her beauty. I represent a small, tiny part of who she is - yet I am part of her, all the same. I am one of her millions of daughters, and one of thousands who chose to leave her for a while. But I believe I will be one of the few, perhaps amongst hundreds, who choose to return to her - to the womb that gave birth to me.

Yes, I am proud to be who I am; even if I am indeed only a microscopic part of her grandeur. I love my country dearly - the chaos, the noise, the colours, the joy of the people, the sadness of the people, our festivals, our celebration of life and death, our firm belief in truth and divinehood, our memories, our families, our soil and farms and villages, our children and their games, our debates and arguments, our intellectuals, our fools, our wisemen, our divinemen - all this and more, I love about India.

While I am proud, I am not always happy...India is complex, and not to be taken at face value. I am ashamed about the many evils that were committed and continue to be committed on this ancient land, by its people - The Gujarat Massacre (2,500 people were killed), the value of human life is so less - remember the ship breaking yards of Gujarat, our discrimination of muslims, our attitude towards women and relationships, the whole caste problem (and the debate of reservations), and bureaucracy at all levels of administration.

But will this deter me from returning, change my mind? Not in the least, although it reminds me that there are problems in my country - but which country does not have its share of problems? If we were all cowards and decided to stay in a safer environment, then the world will never change. And so my mind has not changed since I first left for Singapore in 2002 - I will return to India. To live and to work there.

And yes, I care dearly. I care too much - I want to make a difference, and I also want to enjoy my life - fortunately, India can afford me both. Year 2009 will see my return, when I will begin my entrepreneurial and non-profit projects - it will be a most memorable time indeed.

Image copyright: 2007 Europa Technologies, 2007 NASA

The Golden Pedestal

2007-03-24T05:59:00.000-07:00

I'm making new discoveries in my life, every single day. Emotionally, spiritually, I'm taking baby steps. And it's taking me further along the path...

...Then one day I began to feel proud of myself - perhaps I'm special, better than others, because I understand some things better than they. Here was the trap, the loophole, and if I may say it, The Temptation. You start to walk around like you're Neo from The Matrix, about to save the mother ship from thousands of evil virus robot creatures.

In actuality, I believe, Christ was right in saying - be careful of temptation. Now let me make it clear, I'm hardly a religious person - I believe in eternal wisdom and truth more than I believe in the R word. But temptation is nothing but our own Egos, and everytime we have to make a choice, the wise choice. The choice to not act from our egos, but something much purer. And so it goes for every single human being, every cellular living breathing being and literally every atom in this universe - it is all energy, we're all the same, and we're all unified. It is not possible for us to awaken, and then sit back and relax. Everything must progress for it to be called true progress. Everything must awaken for it to be real awakening.

So the next time you begin to turn your nose up at someone who is ignorant, prejudiced, violent, abusive, remind yourself - they have to progress and they will also walk the path just as you are walking right now - send them love and encouragement and pray that the good angels be by their side always. May we all walk on the Divine path towards Eternal Grace and light. Amen!

Be...come?

2007-03-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

So many great religions and bodies of thought have stated enlightenment to be a "becoming", a "re-discovery" of the authentic self. This seems a little ironic to me. Why go through all the trouble of forgetting your true nature, and then dusting off the unwise parts of ourselves, and blooming into nirvana - why? Why should every cell in our bodies "re-awaken"? Why should every atom in the Universe ascend fully into its highest consciousness until it is enlightened...why?

Why not always be infinitely infinite? Forever "be", instead if "be-come"? Why fall asleep before awakening? Why not forever be awake?

The Kabbalah states that one reason could be attributed to the doctrine of the "Bread of Shame" which states that human beings at the time of Moses (recall the event on Mount Sinai) wanted to `earn' the benevolence of the Creator before being fully bestowed with his Lightforce. Thus we descended into darkness, and we are in the process of slowly `earning' our way to enlightenment.

Isn't this simply amazing? I don't know whether to believe in Kabbalah's theory. Whatever said and done, I know what I have to do and have some idea of how to go about it, although I do not know why I am part of this Universal game. Does anybody have any other theories?

The last piece of the puzzle

2007-03-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

I think it was at 13, the year before the one in which The Matrix was released, when I began to question my reason for existence - in fact I felt like I was living in a little cloud of questions. What the hell am I doing on this planet, in this family, in this school...etc. etc.

Now, I am clearer (note, I didn't say "clear"!). I am here to take my time with learning the lessons I have to learn. What lessons? Lessons of understanding, awareness, love, and most importantly - trust.

The more that we learn to trust in this universe and in ourselves, the more we are aligned with our true higher self. As noted in The Matrix - we have to learn to let go of our fears and trust in our inner power. Like Neo, we are still dormant - "Wake up Neo!".

Everyday I come across new people, or resources (such as books or interenet sites), or messages in the form of popular media, which are leading me to unsolve this big puzzle which is me and my life - "Who am I, what am I here for?". As my father used to say - a man with a hammer will find nails everywhere. The hammer is my questions on existence, the nails are the answers. So go around with a hammer, and you will find more nails than you expected to find!

I am happy to take my time with my learning. I'm in no rush, awareness is slowly seeping its way into my system and I'm truly grateful for it :)

p.s. There is no last piece of the puzzle as learning is a never-ending process - the mountain of knowledge has no peak!

Impressions

2007-02-21T08:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I recorded my thoughts. It's a Wednesday, I'm writing from the city of Lyon in France. I arrived here in the beginning of January, and I've collected quite a few impressions of this new country I'm in.
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Living here is the most different it has ever been for me (I've lived in countries other than India). French people are the most different foreign people I've ever encountered. I often find them on the brink of insensitive, but here I only refer to the younger folk. Most older people are quite polite and nice (or at least I think they are).
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Their culture is steeped in constant sexual references. I'm not exactly sure why. Is it the air? The soil? What?!
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I wonder how I will change with years to come. I hope for the better. I've just discovered a new relationship, a new person. I'm finding it rather difficult being with him. I wish relationships were easier. Apparently they're not. Or perhaps I'm still looking for a relationship where I can be truly peaceful and happy.
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Why am I sharing these thoughts to the whole entire world?!

Welcoming the Divine Manifestation upon Earth and into one's Life

2006-12-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most important essays, probably the most important, that I will have ever included in my blog.

It is vital to make oneself clear when writing on such matters, so I will attempt to do that as best as possible. When I say `Divine', I do not necessarily point to any particular `God'-like figure, the kind we are used to, carrying particular names for particular forms. By `Divine' I mean the highest possible nature that is attainable by an individual. The highest possible nature does not come from a mere cultivation of the mind or a strengthening of the body - it comes from this and much more than this. The steps for bringing about the ultimate awakening are elucidated as below. Read them carefully. Step 3 is one of the most important.

Note: Always remember to proceed in baby steps because one is not conscious of how prepared one truly is for the Ascension. A being that has lain dormant, asleep, for so long cannot ascend suddenly into Divine Consciousness without being subject to some sort of danger unless one invites the Divine Energy with completely sincere intention, free from all Ego, fear and weakness.

1. The first awakening in man happens when he realises The Possibility that had always lay secretly waiting within him - the possibility to ascend to Godhood. Godhood does not mean having so many spiritual powers, all though this is possible but only as a by-product and does not indicate the realisation of Truth itself. Godhood is when man trascends mind, body and the workings of Nature (with it, the law of Karma) - is in line with the Spirit, and realises his full potential. The Divine Consciousness that he had always carried within him as a seed, will finally flower into a full tree, as it ought to always have.

2. But this is only the beginning. The second step is to will this Ascent to Godhood.

3. The third step is to make the effort to carefully prepare the mind, body and spirit - the practise of The Yoga - to welcome the Divine Consciousness into his/her life. There is much writing on the subject of this preparation. Mahirishi Mahesh Yogi, Sri Ramana of Thiruvannamalai, Vallalaar, and of course Sri Aurobindo the great Master himself who wrote among his mangnum opus' - `The Synthesis of Yoga' and `The Life Divine'. It is also said that the reading of his `The Savitri' as a sadhana, may itself bring an awakening. What is important is to endure, calmly, patiently, on the path. Make the effort.

4. After all preparation has been made, it is important to invoke the Masters who aid those who wish to attain the Divine Consciouness, and consciously avail their help. Sri Aurobindo and The Mother are two such ascended masters who I can think of as examples. In today's world, it is difficult to distinguish the real masters from the unreal. So be careful in who you choose for guidance in your work.

5. Fifthly, when one is calm and prepared, he brings within him the descent of Divine Energy which then helps him to elevate him to Godhood. This perhaps is the real Kundalini Awakening as indicated in the ancient Hindu wisdom of old - after the practise of yoga.

By manifesting the Divine Consciousness in your own life, you are fulfilling a very important work which is part of the Earth's work. It is not just for your own soul that you must work, but also for all others, as we are all as much (part of) the Universal as we are Individual. Once we realise the Infinite/Universal within us, this radiates as a compassion from the within to the outside. You will begin to see yourself in others, and others in you. This is Divine Love. Your actions and thoughts will also begin to radiate love, and with this (cumulative effect), your life becomes a Life Divine.

Lament (not for people with `sappy' in their daily vocabulary)

2006-12-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

The death of sentimentality, softness, vulnerability. People choose to take the `harder' way out. Easier to be cold and rational, and approach a problem with no compassion in heart.

What has the world come to? Observe all your 1950s movies, the older fare. What do you observe? There is respect for softness, it's less in-your-face. Things reveal themselves subtly and surprise you gently. But now, everything has changed. It's easier to cut, rip, and leave all wounds open without waiting for them to heal. There doesn't seem to be anymore a need to be gentle and kind. The last `gentle' (or gentile?!) movie was...let's see...perhaps `The Truman Show'? I don't know. I just feel that we live in the age of crudeness. It's impossible to appreciate sunshine without making a joke about it. Everything has to be immediately immediate, and if it's not, it becomes a laughing matter.

I'm afraid of where the world is headed. Will we forever slip down this tangent we've taken? What has made it this easy to be impolite, this easy to do wrong and not apologise? To numb our conscience, and not listen to the soft whisperings of the heart inside? The world is moving faster and faster, and we've gotten onto a hurricane ride that we can never get off.

I love that in today's world we can interact with people from other cultures and appreciate other ways of being, women today enjoy more equality and a say in everyday affairs than ever before, but I don't know if it would be completely wishful thinking to imagine a more polite and sensitive society without the trappings of having to live a less than authentic life. Watch `Kate & Leopold' (2001) and you'll get a cinematised version of what I mean :-)

School for the Gifted

2006-12-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

I read somewhere that if you have a dream, share it with as many people as you can, so that they may check on you and make sure you achieve it! So here goes..

I've always loved to teach, and I love kids...so put the two together and you have `educating children'. I'm not interested in supporting causes for which I have no passion - so that eliminates my ever `giving at the office', i.e. blindly donating money to some random charitable organisation just when I'm in an altruistic mood.

I wish to follow a two-fold approach in achieving my dreams - starting a business which I'm passionate about, and simultaneously starting my charitable work. So a portion of the profits will be channeled directly into the charitable trust.

I want to start a `School for the Gifted' - focusing on children from down-trodden families and encouraging them to attain their highest potential. These children have nothing to lose, and everything to gain - so why not invest in them? Why not see possibility where their parents may see little?

In a country where the approach towards education is incredibly narrow and stifling, this could be an experiment in an alternative method of educating kids. Indian schools of today focus only on book knowledge, and this is where we differ tremendously from schools abroad.
Enriching the library, giving intelligent inputs, encouraging their creative pursuits, building up their self-esteem - these are just some of the ways in which we can do things differently.

Hope and courage is everything. The human spirit is indestructible - put them together and you can have a school where the world leaders of tomorrow may be nurtured. All are welcome into these school doors.

p.s. want to copy my idea? by all means!!! we need more of such schools. Alternatively, if you want to join me in implementing this project, leave your comment and email ID.

Films that mean(t) a lot to me, in no particular order

2006-11-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

1. Awakenings (1990)

2. The Miracle Worker (1962)

3. The Matrix (1999)

4. The Black Stallion (1979)

5. Devdas (2002)
- for all that glitz and drama

6. Awaara (1951)
- I love Raj Kapur!

7. The Truman Show (1998)
- Jim Carrey at his best

8. Annie Hall (1977)
- Woody Allen's best

9. Dead Poets Society (1989)

10. Being John Malkovich (1999)
- Malkovich is an angry nut, but what a genius!

11. Adaptation (2002)
- Sorry, but I really love the combination of director Spike Jonze and screenwriter Charlie Kaufman! And Chris Cooper...Rrr...

12. Cabaret (1972), Chicago (2002), The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)
- They're all comparable in a way. They capture the swirling essence of the late 60s. End of an era. Chicago and Cabaret are similar in many ways, only Cabaret is more daring, haha. We're all so prim and proper these days. And oh, watch out for Maggie Smith in `The Prime...'

13. Kill Bill - Volumes 1 and 2
- Quentin at his more well-packaged best

14. Clueless (1995), Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
- for the romantic spirited

15. Proof (2005)

16. The Sound of Music (1965)
- Maria...makes me...laugh!

17. Frida (2002)
- Easily, my favourite painter

18. Planet of the Apes (1968)
- I love New York, so I hate to see the Statue of Liberty that way

I wish I could add a Katharine Hepburn movie to this list, because I love her so much. I think I will once I catch more of her movies, and I don't think `Guess Who's Coming to Dinner' is her best (because that's all I have seen of her). And believe me, I'll have more movies to add to this little list in the future!

And a word of advice - whenever anybody makes a remake of a movie, go watch the original. It almost always works, how can you possibly replicate an old good wine?!

A different meal ticket

2006-11-17T01:23:00.000-08:00

I had a strange dream last night, but I saw some light in it after I woke up. So here it is for you...

I dreamt that I had gone on an excursion with all my school friends to some place. And for lunch, each one of us were handed a meal ticket to be exchanged for food at a cafetaria. The tour guide handed out new tickets, and the meal that could be availed for each was a `set of 6' meaning 6 different dishes which would make up a whole meal.

As soon as the tour guide began to hand them out, everybody rushed to the front and in the end almost all the tickets were gone, all except for 2 old, different meal tickets. One was for pizza and another was for a snack. I picked the pizza one, but was disgruntled by what I got, because I hadn't got what the others got. I was afraid that my stomach would not be full after eating it, and felt that it was unfair that I had to get this one while everybody else got to eat a `set of 6'.

I went to argue with the tour guide and tried to obtain the same ticket as everybody else's. But she argued that the pizza would be nice and wholesome and delicious to eat, and didn't see what I had to complain about. In the end I was stuck with, you guessed it, the pizza one.

When I woke up, I had sudden clarity...god gives everybody a chance to eat, a chance in life to express themselves, to fulfill themselves and attain wisdom. While most people get a certain meal ticket, some get a different type of one, but they get one all the same. It is a person's intelligence to know how to make the best of this different meal ticket. Perhaps god had a slightly different plan in life for me, and I will learn to accept the meal ticket happily :-)

The Artichoke Project

2006-11-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

My father had brought 4 artichokes from his trip to Ooty, a hill station located in the Nilgiri hills bordering Tamilnadu and it's neighbouring state, Kerala. (Nilgiri literally translates to blue mountain).

Now, I don't believe the artichoke is a native vegetable of India - probably brought in by the Brits along with carrots, potatoes, beans, and peas. And we rarely find artichokes in the Chennai vegetable markets. I've only seen artichokes in pictures and once tasted it in school when a girl had brought it for lunch.

My father suggested making artichoke soup. Should be fairly simple right? Just boil it for about 25-45 minutes with some salt, pepper and herbs, and it should be ready!

Well yes, cooking it is fairly simple (water boils on it's own), but preparing the artichokes for cooking is not easy. They are complex vegetables, just like some people. They have many layers, and a really fuzzy and often thorny inner layer. They've got thistles on their outermost petals. Quite the hardy vegetable, the artichoke.

-- artichoke flower

So this is what I set about doing. I did some research on the internet, and one website proved particularly useful in providing tips for preparing them: http://www.artichokes.org/basic_prep.html
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And the recipe for the soup came partly from another website (minus the chicken broth though because my mom is vegetarian), and partly from my own head.
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1. I first prepared a bowl of water with squeezed lemon (vinegar is a good alternative) because artichokes oxidise very easily on contact with air. Once you start cutting them, they immediately start to go brown!

2. So I first cut the stalk down to one quarter near the base of the artichoke. And then cut off that too, peeled it's outer layer and dropped it into the water (the stalk is edible too).

3. Then I pulled out some of the hardy outer petals and disposed them.

4. I cut the top 1/3rd of the artichoke with a knife and trimmed the petals with a kitchen scissors (not completely necessary, but it makes for good presentation once it's cooked).

5. Then with the help of the knife, I cleaned out the inside fuzz and thorny petals of the artichoke. Then dropped the whole thing into the water.

6. I prepared 4 artichokes in this manner. Put water to boil along with some herbs (thyme and rosemary is what I used), salt and ground black pepper. Added the artichokes to the boiling water.

7. After they had boiled for nearly 40 minutes (water turns a nice green, clorophyll, very valuable, used this as stock for the soup), I prepared the soup base. Fresh cream (medium fat), with some milk, and a little more salt and ground pepper, and some corn starch (for thickening). Then added the artichokes and stock. Note: I stuck a fork into each artichoke to check if they were properly cooked - you know they are cooked when the fork goes in easily (artichokes turn really soft after boiling).

8. Let it boil for another 5-10 minutes. Artichoke soup is ready!

9. For the presentation - I put each artichoke into the centre of each soup bowl (they stayed whole, thank god, after all that boiling!) and poured the delicious creamy looking soup in.

My parents enjoyed it thoroughly, and so did I. The whole process had taken almost 2 hours, but the end result made up for all the effort. It was so fulfilling to ultimately consume the soup and see the satisfied looks on my parents' faces.

What a fantastic way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

p.s. Here's another useful website in case you want to sauté them - http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/news/food/links/artichokes/step1.html

Artichoke flower image courtesy:
Duke Gardens July 2004 / artichoke flower Matthew Wallenstein 7/7/2004 mdw7@duke.edu

Lin Yutang, Paulo Coelho, and other `brilliant nuts' I greatly admire

2006-11-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

For all my loyal readers...hehe..there will soon be an article on a book I'm reading at the moment, and with which I've fallen dearly in love with - `The Importance of Living' by Lin Yutang (quite the hearty fellow, and one with whom you can imagine having a delightful conversation over evening tea while watching the sun go down!).

There will be few comments, and a lot of `line-lifting', for I found it quite difficult to capture the essence of a book where the real delight lies in the reading (because it's like biting into incredible tiramisu, now how can one possibly replicate that feeling?!).

I also got the same feeling reading `Like a Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. And there will be a book review on that too. I couldn't possibly read his `Valkyries' book, and I luke-warmly enjoyed `The Devil and Miss Prym' and `Eleven'. But this one, his collective memoirs, was far more interesting.

When a book is good for toilet reading, you know it's easy to read, and you know it's something you really enjoy versus something you'd read just to show off at a conversation with elites. ;-)

I love wrinkles

2006-11-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed old trees? Run your hands on the hard bark? In the little ridges, where insects and beetles, birds of all sorts, have pecked and drilled and scurried their way through? Sweet tree gum oozing from various cracks, some branches withering away, leaves falling here and there, messing up the ground?

So what did you do then? Did you think the tree un-beautiful? Isn't it anything but?

The ridges indicate its age, the holes and bores - the love which other creatures had for this beautifully still being, and those which took shelter in storms and harsh sunlight. Old leaves providing fodder for millions of little creatures who we would dismiss as boring and useless in our busy lives.

So why is it that when we can accept the appearance of a grand old tree, we become frighteningly paranoid when it comes to our own aging process?

That scar you got when you fell down as a kid, those wrinkles near the eyes from laughing or working too much, rough hands that handled heavy things - these are the things I love most in people, because every little spot, every little `blemish' tells a story. Words can only describe a person so much, but when you truly observe their appearance, you can tell so much more.

So look at your father, your mother, your lover once more. Look at their faces, and `see' them once again. Not as a face filled with spots and blemishes, but as one that has faced all of life's battles and yet has the courage to smile for you. Our wrinkles are like tree ridges - learn to love them as they are.

Image courtesy: http://www.thejackol.com/category/photography/

Lin Yutang, Paulo Coelho, and other `brilliant nuts' I greatly admire: the uncensored version

2006-11-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of quoting some important lines from `The Importance of Living' by Lin Yutang - brilliant book, particularly from the first chapter - The Awakening. Lin Yutang mentions how the past and the present meet in a book, when the writer echos thoughts of past writers, and they communicate beyond the time-space continuum, and form a connection with the reader who begins to form his own thoughts and ideas about what he reads. I had mentioned in a previous post about how I began to form a book trail - from Yutang to Coelo, to Henry Miller, and so on never-endingly. Coelo has a beloved and highly optimistic attitude towards life, however I am beginning to find his ideas rather lofty, and too clouded in rainbows and butterflies for them to be truly graspable by an existentialist such as myself.
b
Osho for me is the wild fanatic, one with whom I can connect to more - he is both the most human of men, and most divine of gods I have ever come across. Now he lived completely, giving himself wholly to every moment. Taking a leaf from Osho's thoughts: Live your own life, read but do not be consumed, think but do not crystallise your ideas, be like the river, forever flowing, but do not think of reaching the ocean so soon. And so here is my lucid declaration to all believers:
b
I hereby denounce `the follower'. Like me, do you not wish to blaze your own path, a unique one, for only then I have lived at all?! I hereby denounce the follower, for all he can do is to tom-tom others' ideas, and never ever dare to make them his own, never tear them apart and customise them for his own benefit. Don't be afraid to be blasphemous, sacriligeous, and delight in other such wild phenomena. For you are human, accept your nature, and live!

Water and Women

2006-11-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

Women are like water - young and bubbling as a stream in youth, like the flowing river as a woman, and vast as the ocean when she is a wise old grandma.

A woman is not like air - she will not leave anything untouched and untraceable like air. She is not a hard rock either - for she will cry, and feel for things, and be vulnerable. But she is like water - she becomes attached, attaining the shape of the container in which she is poured, to the people who begin to matter in her life. At the same time, she carries within her the spirit of resilience, for she can just as easily adjust to a broken and shattered existence, probably far better than a man can.

Most women are water, too few are air or solid. But many men can be both - like air, they choose to live life on their own terms, and hate for their serene existence to be polluted by any external phenomena. Or like rock, they are impenetrable, and often stubborn, not changing their points of view.

For the man who is like air, I say - don't wait for something to touch you and move you, for you to start being `affected'. Learn to be more sensitive to others' feelings and thoughts. But do impart your realistic attitude and sense of detachment to those who need it at the right time!

For the man who is like rock, I say - continue to be strong, for your strength can give much courage to others. But also learn to be like water, because it is not a sin to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the basis of human life.

For the women who are water, I say - learn from the above types of men, but embrace your beautiful sensitive qualities.

However, all things said, these are quite general statements, and anyone can be in a different state at different times or moments in their lives. But learn to be water, air, or rock, at the times when the right attitude is called for.

When I loved:

2006-10-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

Every wrinkle was pretty, every imperfection, perfect.

I wanted to make up long before the fight was started, and to kiss him, not long after it had ended.

I ached a thousand aches when he wasn't nearby, and smiled like a thousand suns when he appeared on the horizon.

Even after we'd broken up, I held his image in my heart forever.

Homo sapiens

2006-10-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

When God created Earth, and all the creatures in it, he gave some unique skill to every single living being. To the cheetah, he gave the gift of speed; to the elephant, he gave strength; to the dog, he gave the gift of smell; the cat, the gift of keen hearing, and so on...but to man, what did he give?

Most animals' young can walk right after they are born. But the human baby is one of the most vulnerable, and has to be taken special care until it is old enough to look after itself. Compared to our animal friends, we have probably the worst sense of smell, the worst sense of hearing, the worst sense of sight,...so what is this unique skill that makes us so `superior' to all other living beings?

It is the gift of conscient thinking.

We can act with the knowledge of what might possibly follow, we can choose to show kindness and mercy where we needn't, we can reflect on what went wrong and decide to live better, we can invent and destroy, we can even choose to take our own lives - a choice if exercised, would go completely against Darwin's theory of the survival of species.

Our unique gift has even caused us to ask the question - are we really children of this soil? Or did we come from another planet? But what about liquid H2O, magnets, sulphur, mushrooms - do they belong here too? Or are they too `alien'?!

It is this sense of doubt/curiousity to better understand the world around us and all naturally occurring phenomena, that has brought us this far. It holds the key to our future.

I am, and I wish to be, optimistic about our future. I hope that our intelligence, `conscient thinking', will help to solve the problems of world poverty, war and violence against our own kind, and destruction of nature. Join me in lighting the flame that will help to dispel all darkness in our beautiful planet.

First steps

2006-10-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

My feet barely touched the ground
When I began to tremble
For what immense luck has dawned upon me
To give me this Divine Opportunity?

The tingling sensation began with my toes
And moved up my legs to the pelvis that supports my body.
Warm tears flowed down my cheeks
And wet the ground, as if preparing it for this very moment.

Ten years ago I was running
With the speed of light, in a blur.
Life moved likewise, with no time to slow down;
But today I'm reborn and I'm taking my first steps again.

I hold on to things beside me,
I feel aches and pains I've never felt before
In various parts of my body.
But somehow they coordinate;
They were trying to recall a lesson learnt many years ago.

I look clumsy, most akward.
No more the graceful eagle but an ugly eaglet,
About to fall off the precipice and forced to fly.

But I don't care,

This is the time,

And I am here.

I walk, and tis a miracle.

- Jaishree

Picture Courtesy: Vasundhara Shankari Sellamuthu (CR)

On relationships

2006-10-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Relationships most often give you what you expect out of them - if you want to be in a mature relationship, then treat it like a vegetable that will slowly turn into a fruit. Eat it too soon, and it will be bitter, wait too long and it will rot - best to wait for just the right time. `Right time for what?', you may ask. The right time to trust, the right time to understand each other and become the best of friends, and the right time to let go and allow yourself to be held and protected in all aspects (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) by another human being. If it wasn't right for you, it will melt away in the very beginning, so there is bound to be less hurt involved.

A relationship you enter into for purely the `romance' (or sexual) aspect is bound to be fluffy for as long as both partners are happy with just the fluff. The moment either one thinks that there ought to be something `more', the relationship takes its next only available course. It's like a rollercoaster - thrilling while it lasts, but one can't be on it forever!

Here, we must mention intelligence. As conscient beings, we are blessed with the ability to shape the direction of our lives, applying our own learnt and intuitive wisdom in the process. So it is intelligence to let go of a partner who you know in your heart will never fulfil you, a relationship that may never make you happy. It is also intelligence to stay in a relationship that in your heart you know is now raw but has the potential to turn into a sweet fruit later.

Words of advice for the broken-hearted: some people come into our lives for a reason - they leave behind some wisdom, some joy, and more often than not, lots of pain! How to deal with this pain? `Everything happened for a reason'. Bless his/her soul, kiss them one last kiss and wave your last goodbye. If he/she was meant for you, they may come back, but it is best to move on with the river of life. Never hold a grudge, it is completely meaningless..

Anyway, there is no fixed formula. Simply follow your heart, different persons in your life may have taught you different things - each relationship will add a new colour to the rainbow of your soul. This, I promise.

God Bless!

Picture Courtesy: Vasundhara Shankari Sellamuthu (Copyright)

On tending towards consciousness...

2006-10-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

I believe there are 2 very different paths that human beings can take in their lives -

1) They may choose to tend towards light: become increasingly aware, so conscious of everything that they dissapear into pure nothingness or a `no-mind' state, the exact opposite!
Or

2) Spiral down into intense darkness and despair, a bottomless pit, a mind full of confusion.

Perhaps this is what our fore-fathers called `Heaven' and `Hell'? The different resulting states at the end of the path we consciously or unconsciously take?

Picture courtesy: Vasundhara Shankari Sellamuthu (Copyright)

Tribute to c.a.t.s

2006-10-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

If you've ever have had cats, or own one/some, you know one thing's for sure - they are completely retarded and beyond beyondness. Little buddhas, crazy omen kids, I mean whatever you wanna call them, you know you're gonna love `em no matter what. So, here's a few pictures of the beloved furry ones we have/had at home -
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"It's a hard life in the trenches bro.
The cover just about keeps our heads from getting blown."

Coat of Arms

Zorba the Buddha

The Original Cliffhanger

Biznez Woman

2006-10-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

- The business is a part of the environment in which it exists. It is like a person. Aren’t we part of the environment we live in? Similarly, it is a living, breathing entity, constantly relating to its customers, its employees, its suppliers, and the government officials in that environment.

- We decide how we want these relations to be. Do we want to be personal with them? Do we want to care for them? As caretakers of the business, we decide!

- I have decided that I’m going to keep it personal, but keeping in mind that the business ought to make money as well. It has to be profitable. And it has to care.

- I believe I’m a very creative person. And I want to apply this in my business as well. It has to be creative, dealing with creative people, and innovating creative solutions for the customers it serves.

- The business has to relate to the land in which it is located. It has to relate to live things – people, animals, plants, earth. We must not lose this connection. So associates should spend some time “growing things”, “relating to children and animals” and "painting/dancing/singing”, and “library time”. These activities are very important I believe. I want my business to be alive. If I can get my customers and suppliers to do this as well, it would be even better.

BE PROFITABLE, BE CARING, BE CREATIVE, BE ALIVE.

p.s. if you're reading this, I would love to know your thoughts...leave your comment!

Time for explanations

2006-10-20T00:13:00.000-07:00

For the curious who don't understand Sanskrit...

The word `jyothishakti', the name of my blog, can be explained as follows:

`Jyothi' can be best translated as radiance/illumination/the light that holds the power to dispel darkness/ignorance.

`Shakti' means power/strength.

Together, they may be interpreted as the `power of light', or `light and strength'.

The quick ones may notice that jyothi is spelt with an `h', while shakti is spelt just with a `t' - although both are pronounced as `th' (as in `apathy'). I don't know, it just seems more right to me, because when you spell jyothi with a `t', you tend to say jyoti like gotti. You know what I mean...In books, commonly shakti is spelt with just the `t', and readers pronounce it as it ought to be (shakthi).

Now, I ask forgiveness from all readers who pay attention to grammatical correctness, and require more exhaustive explanations. After all, I do attempt to answer big questions such as the meaning of existence and what not! Such a huge task calls for more detailed explanations...which I haven't given. And many times my writing pleads for mentally filling in the blanks yourselves. The best way to describe my blog would be - random ramblings of one besotten with life and contemplations of everything contained in my world of perception.

But, thank you for viewing!! God Bless.

Life on Earth

2006-10-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

Assumption: Human beings are bestowed with free will. And so are all other creatures on the planet, although they may not exercise it quite as powerfully as we may be able to.

While we may do as we please, we must understand that we have the power to influence others, their lives and beliefs. Every choice we make has repercussions; they are like pebbles thrown into a pond. Hence, what we do, can and will affect others (their paths of existence). Our very existence on this planet is so profound because of this very power. (We are all in the same dance together, in the same “cosmic soup” as my mother playfully put it).

It is we who decide whether or not we want to plant more trees and save the earth from deforestation. It is also we who decide if we want to consume more and more of the earth’s resources, not giving enough time for growth and sustainability. It is we who decide what is important and what need not be given priority in our lives. The power resides in our hands. So whatever choice we make, it should be a conscious one. Thus, every being and creature is important.

Our time on earth is a very important one. So we should make it good. Make it good!

Picture Courtesy: Vasundhara Shankari Sellamuthu (Copyright)

My theory of unified consciousness

2006-10-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

Months, and months of mulling over the idea has yielded the following theory. It is based on an intuitive type of thinking, and readings I have done in the past on the subject. What is the universe, God and everything else? Why do we exist? Where do we go henceforth? These are the questions I have attempted to answer here.

Assumption: everything in the universe is made up of particles of light (gazillions of it).

The light particles are in a state of disarray/imbalance, and this is the phenomenon we know as `existence’. Thus we have creation, destruction, evolution. All of existence `happens’ in an attempt to put all these light particles back into array.

We can hold hope that, eventually, when all these light particles merge back with the Divine (or unified) light, one cycle of existence is complete. Until all the particles attain this “consciousness” or “realisation” or “enlightenment” or “balance”, they will continue to live themselves out, that is, experience existence.

It is also possible to believe that there can be many such cycles. It is nothing but a cosmic drama, a play. In truth, there is no need, in the sense of utility, for beings to start their lives, go through intense confusion, and finally attain realisation. Yet it has been occurring for ages. Until all beings attain Divine consciousness, they will play in this game. And even if they attain it, that is all the pieces of the puzzle are put back together, the nature of all is that the cycles may begin yet again. It is all a grand dance – the dance of the Nataraj. It may also rest in the whim of God/Existence/Unified Consciousness...He decides eventually, perhaps. Or perhaps we just dissolve into pure nothingness.

Picture Courtesy: Vasundhara Shankari Sellamuthu (Copyright)